We Ain't Got No History - Chelsea hand Stoke City their first home loss of the seasonChampions of Europe!https://cdn.vox-cdn.com/community_logos/52884/21_SBN_002_We_Aint_Got_No_History_Favicon_32x32..png2013-01-14T18:16:33+00:00http://weaintgotnohistory.sbnation.com/rss/stream/36318432013-01-14T18:16:33+00:002013-01-14T18:16:33+00:00Classic Lampard vs. Stoke
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<figcaption>Chris Brunskill</figcaption>
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<p>Eight, the first cubic number (2 x 2 x 2), representing wholeness and three-dimensionality.</p> <p>Against time, everything else loses eventually. It has outlasted the dinosaurs and has patiently watched the Universe expand. Against a beast like this, the detail events that took place over the course of a football match simply have no chance, especially when the next game is just four days away. Performances are seen, live-tweeted, debated, retweeted, favorited, and soon… forgotten #OnToTheNextOne. A few days later, it was just 4 goals to the good, 3 points to the total.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">That’s just the way it is I guess; I can't really do anything about it. But it is hard for me to let go of <i>this</i> one. <a href="http://www.sbnation.com/soccer/fifa/players/110218/frank-lampard" class="sbn-auto-link">Frank Lampard</a> had one of his classic games against <a href="http://www.sbnation.com/soccer/epl/teams/stoke-city" class="sbn-auto-link">Stoke City</a> as the Blues stormed to a 4-0 victory. In this game, he displayed all the qualities--passing, movement, anticipation, shooting and intelligence--that separate him from the rest. To think that all of this will be summarized by "Frank Lampard (PK)" on the scoreboard, especially at a time when many doubters are quick to throw out the rhetorical question, "<i>Yeah, but how many of those are from penalties?</i>" is disconcerting to say the least.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">So here is an attempt to make that which is not permanent last just a little bit longer: an analysis of what Frank Lampard offered to <a href="https://weaintgotnohistory.sbnation.com/" class="sbn-auto-link">Chelsea's</a> attack/defense against Stoke. It is an appreciation of the greatness we are lucky enough to experience now; a lament of what we may soon miss; and a futile, yet determined, middle finger to the steadily ticking, impassive monster that is time.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal;">* * *</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><b>Movement x Anticipation x Timing</b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><a target="_blank" href="http://assets.sbnation.com/assets/2012659/Lampard_movement_1.png"><img src="http://assets.sbnation.com/assets/2012659/Lampard_movement_1_medium.png" class="photo" alt="Lampard_movement_1_medium"></a> <br id="1358178375823"></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Chelsea were pretty rotten in early stages of the game and their first real chance came only around the 25th minute. And Lampard was in the thick of it.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span>Juan Mata</span> brought the ball forward, but he ran into traffic centrally, forcing him to square it to <span>Ashley Cole</span> on the left. The Spaniard ran toward the Stoke goal while his creative partner, <span>Eden Hazard</span>, dropped back (vertical rotation anyone?). Lampard was being watched by <span>Glenn Whelan</span> at this point, but the Chelsea midfielder would find an opening into the box when Hazard received the pass from Ramires. His anticipation and timing of the run was perfect: Hazard dodged a tackle before finding <span>Demba Ba</span>, who stabbed the ball into the path of Lampard.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">From twelve yards out, Lampard calmly side-footed a low shot, which was miraculously saved by the outstretched leg of <span>Asmir Begovic</span>.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><b>Touch x Vision x Execution</b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><a href="http://assets.sbnation.com/assets/2013403/lunapic_135818328975995_.gif" target="_blank"><img alt="Lunapic_135818328975995__medium" class="photo" src="http://assets.sbnation.com/assets/2013403/lunapic_135818328975995__medium.gif"></a> <br id="1358183622304"></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The next chance came around the 34th minute, and Lampard would be the provider this time. A long ball from Stoke’s defense was headed right into the Chelsea number 8, located in the center circle. First touch controlled the ball. The second opened up his body toward the opposition goal. The third executed a perfect long pass over the defense for Ba. The striker’s shot was again saved by that annoying leg of Begovic. Ramires would pounce on the rebound, but a well-timed challenge from <span>Andy Wilkinson</span> got Stoke out of danger.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><b>Determination x Movement x Anticipation</b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><a href="http://assets.sbnation.com/assets/2013411/lunapic_135818328975995_1.gif" target="_blank"><img alt="Lunapic_135818328975995_1_medium" class="photo" src="http://assets.sbnation.com/assets/2013411/lunapic_135818328975995_1_medium.gif"></a> <br id="1358183806514"></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Lampard’s role in the buildup to the break through goal was less obvious, but no less important. At around halftime, a Chelsea corner from the right was cleared toward the left. The Blues had numbers forward for the corner and were about to be hit by a Stoke counter as Steve N’Zonzi pick up the ball. But Lampard was determined to stop the break, sliding in with a block. The ball rebounded off of N’Zonzi; Chelsea won the throw-in.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Mata got a quick throw from <span>Ryan Bertrand</span>. The midfielder’s crossed was again cleared, this time into the feet of Hazard, who waited for the overlap of <span>Cesar Azpilicueta</span> and slipped the pass into the right-back. The cross, as you all know, was headed into his own net by Jonathan "Donald McDonald" Walters. But let's also look closely at what Lampard was doing as the cross came in from Azpilicueta.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><a target="_blank" href="http://assets.sbnation.com/assets/2013571/lunapic_135818328975995_3.gif"><img src="http://assets.sbnation.com/assets/2013571/lunapic_135818328975995_3_medium.gif" class="photo" alt="Lunapic_135818328975995_3_medium"></a> <br id="1358186630234"></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">As the right-back prepared to cross, Lampard, positioned at the edge of the six-yard box, dropped back and slipped away from his marker and was ready to head the ball if the cross were to come his way. It didn't. Still, as Walters dove in with a suicidal header, Lampard was the only player moving toward the goal, ready to pounce on a potential rebound. (And some people still wonder why he scores so many goals.)</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><b>Touch x Vision x Execution</b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><a target="_blank" href="http://assets.sbnation.com/assets/2013579/lunapic_135818328975995_4.gif"><img src="http://assets.sbnation.com/assets/2013579/lunapic_135818328975995_4_medium.gif" class="photo" alt="Lunapic_135818328975995_4_medium"></a> <br id="1358186671547"></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">This was after the break. Around 51st minute. Lampard picked up the ball deep inside his half, turned as he was closed down, and crafted this 60-yard pass, weighted and timed perfectly, to Ba. The striker still had a lot to do, what’s with being sandwiched between Wilkinson and <span>Robert Huth</span> (yuck!), but he managed to pick out Ashley Cole that the far post. But the left-back’s effort was save (by what else? *sigh*) the Stoke goalkeeper’s extended leg.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><b>Movement x Vision x Execution</b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><a target="_blank" href="http://assets.sbnation.com/assets/2013587/lunapic_135818328975995_5.gif"><img src="http://assets.sbnation.com/assets/2013587/lunapic_135818328975995_5_medium.gif" class="photo" alt="Lunapic_135818328975995_5_medium"></a> <br id="1358186750955"></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Here, Lampard took another adventure forward from his central midfield role, this time on the right side. Hazard fancy-footed the ball back to Azpilicutea; the right-back found Lampard with his first touch; not to be outdone by his teammates, Lampard set Hazard free with a first-time-reverse-through-ball into the box. (TOTAL FOOTBALL BIATCH!) Hazard’s cross was put out for a corner.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><a target="_blank" href="http://assets.sbnation.com/assets/2013651/lunapic_135818328975995_6.gif"><img src="http://assets.sbnation.com/assets/2013651/lunapic_135818328975995_6_medium.gif" class="photo" alt="Lunapic_135818328975995_6_medium"></a> <br id="1358187351705"></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Lampard stood firm inside the six-yard box as Mata swung in the corner. He saw the ball dropping for him. He squeezed every ounce of energy he had in his body as he rose up for the header, perfectly poised to direct the ball into the back of the net: "194 here I come!!!" Then, along came Jonathan "Party Pooper" Walters, sticking his big head into other people’s business. 2-0.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><b>Vision x Execution x Power</b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><a target="_blank" href="http://assets.sbnation.com/assets/2013611/lunapic_135818328975995_7.gif"><img src="http://assets.sbnation.com/assets/2013611/lunapic_135818328975995_7_medium.gif" class="photo" alt="Lunapic_135818328975995_7_medium"></a> <br id="1358186984626"></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><i>Hey, how about a first-time-outside-of-the-foot-over-the-defender’s-head-right-into-the-teammate’s-foot-oh-my-god-this-is-frigging-awesome kind of pass?</i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Lampard was feeling particularly generous. Mata responded with a touch worthy of receiving a spectacular pass and went on to win the penalty when sandwiched between Huth and <span>Ryan Shawcross</span> (Ouch/Eww!).</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Hit with power. Straight down the middle. No funny business. One hundred and ninety four.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><b>Movement x Anticipation x Intelligence</b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><a target="_blank" href="http://assets.sbnation.com/assets/2013619/lunapic_135818328975995_8.gif"><img src="http://assets.sbnation.com/assets/2013619/lunapic_135818328975995_8_medium.gif" class="photo" alt="Lunapic_135818328975995_8_medium"></a> <br id="1358187021299"></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><i>Tired of creating chances for others? How about a forward run for yourself, Frank? Indulge! Go! It’s 2-0 for Pete’s sakes.</i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Lampard rushed to join the attack as Bertrand and Ba charged down the left. When the Senegalese’s effort was cleared out to Mata, Lampard found himself twelve yards out from the goal. Seeing Mata’s cross floated over his head, Lampard turned instinctively; as Stoke defenders were pulled toward the ball, he was already one step ahead, waiting centrally for the flick on from his striker. His effort from point-blank range was again denied by part of Begovic’s body (I don’t even care which part at this point).</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><b>Awareness x Timing x Execution</b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><a target="_blank" href="http://assets.sbnation.com/assets/2013627/lunapic_135818328975995_9.gif"><img src="http://assets.sbnation.com/assets/2013627/lunapic_135818328975995_9_medium.gif" class="photo" alt="Lunapic_135818328975995_9_medium"></a> <br id="1358187053970"></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><i>That stingy Begovic is not going to let you score, Frank. How about some providing again? Will love to see a reverse-first-time-40-yard-oh-I-can’t-believe-you-are-doing-this-again kind of a pass, please!</i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">If we have not seen the passes Lampard has made in this game laid out like this, we might find fault with this pass, which was intercepted by Huth ahead of substitute <a href="http://www.sbnation.com/soccer/fifa/players/110873/fernando-torres" class="sbn-auto-link">Fernando Torres</a>. But we know better. It was a great pass, aimed toward a lame target.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Still, it was this quick delivery that set up a brief 4v4 situation in Stoke’s defensive zone as Mata picked up the loose ball before passing it on to Hazard, who then thunder-bolted a shot from about 30 yards out and into the top corner. A goal celebrated with a fanning gesture with his gloved hand. An effort even too hot for the genius that is Eden Hazard.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal;">* * *</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Against time, everything else loses eventually. Time wins because it does not play by the rule. It <i>is</i> the rule. No matter how much we wish it not to be the case, every <strike>good</strike> great thing must come to an end. And despite the symbol of infinity he dons on the back of his shirt, Frank Lampard is very likely leave Chelsea behind sooner or later because there are no exceptions to the laws of nature.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Some say it is better to go out with a "BANG!" than to fizzle out. If that’s the case, this performance by the Chelsea legend demands a solid pair of ear plugs.</p>
https://weaintgotnohistory.sbnation.com/2013/1/14/3875204/frank-lampard-stoke-city-analysisLamin Oo2013-01-13T20:49:56+00:002013-01-13T20:49:56+00:00An ode to Jonathan Walters
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<figcaption>Chris Brunskill</figcaption>
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<p>Dear Mr. Walters. May I call you Jonathan? Is that alright? I hope it's ok. Anyway, Johnny, I know you must be feeling down about what happened at the Britannia on Saturday. Mistakes happen, even to the best of us. Don't fret. But just in case you need a pick-me-up, I decided to write you a poem.</p>
<p>I hope you enjoy it.</p>
<h4>Johnny Walters, Legend</h4>
<p><i>No Johnny Foreigner he,<br>Empire weighs on his strong shoulders,<br>Baying Britannians demand blood.</i></p>
<p><i><a class="sbn-auto-link" href="http://www.sbnation.com/soccer/epl/teams/stoke-city">Stoke City</a> play <a class="sbn-auto-link" href="https://weaintgotnohistory.sbnation.com/">Chelsea</a>; White and Red vs. Blue.<br>Muscular forthrightness matched against sly cunning trickery.</i></p>
<p><i>And Walters strikes first, plucks ball out of sky.<br>A truly memorable effort: The defence is confounded.</i></p>
<p><a href="http://www.offthepost.info/blog/2013/01/gif-it-jon-walters-overhead-volley-into-his-own-face-stoke-city-0-4-chelsea/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+offthepost%2FTLAa+(Off+The+Post)" target="_blank"><img src="http://i.imgflip.com/e9en.gif"></a></p>
<p><i>And then to the Potters' defence brave Walters comes,<br>Quick to snuff out danger, his effort proves decisive.<br></i></p>
<p><i> <span>Juan Mata</span> will not score today. </i></p>
<p><a href="http://www.whoateallthepies.tv/videos/153103/fail-almanac-of-jonathan-walters-absolute-stinker-against-chelsea-gifs-videos.html" target="_blank"><img src="http://cadfael.tv/image/src/1358006045024.gif"></a></p>
<p><i><a class="sbn-auto-link" href="http://www.sbnation.com/soccer/fifa/players/110218/frank-lampard">Frank Lampard</a>, he of 193 goals,<br>Is espied by Walters on a Chelsea corner kick.</i></p>
<p><i> With steely resolve from our hero, Lampard is denied 194.</i></p>
<p><iframe frameborder="0" width="480" height="270" src="http://www.dailymotion.com/embed/video/xwpkj1"></iframe><i></i></p>
<p><i>And then a chance from the penalty spot,<br>The most stone-hearted of men have failed from here.</i></p>
<p><i> But Ronald McDonald is no ordinary man,<br>He puts his implacable shot beyond the long reach of <span>Petr Cech</span>. </i></p>
<p><a href="http://www.whoateallthepies.tv/videos/153103/fail-almanac-of-jonathan-walters-absolute-stinker-against-chelsea-gifs-videos.html" target="_blank"><img src="http://www.whoateallthepies.tv/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/walters2.gif"></a></p>
https://weaintgotnohistory.sbnation.com/2013/1/13/3873042/jonathan-walters-chelsea-legendGraham MacAree2013-01-12T19:52:49+00:002013-01-12T19:52:49+00:00Walters gifts Blues win at Britannia
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<figcaption>Chris Brunskill</figcaption>
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<blockquote>
<p>I don't think that was a 4-0 today.</p>
<p>It just didn't go for us. The referee gives a penalty at 1-0 and it was offside, it was a good call, but if that goes for you it's one each and we have the impetus. We didn't deserve to be losing at half-time and until the second goal I felt we were the better team, although <a class="sbn-auto-link" href="https://weaintgotnohistory.sbnation.com/">Chelsea</a> have some fantastic players.</p>
<p style="text-align: right;">-Tony Pulis. Source: <a href="http://www.chelseafc.com/news-article/article/3039448/title/final-whistle-verdict-good-response" target="_blank">ChelseaFC.com</a>.</p>
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<p>I'm not entirely sure Pulis is wrong. For the first hour of the 4-0 victory against Stoke, Chelsea looked fairly laboured. That's to be expected against the Potters, of course -- they were the holders of the longest home unbeaten streak in English football until the slightly strange affair that lifted the Blues up to third in the table.</p>
<p>Going to the Britannia was going to be hard enough at full strength, but Chelsea were definitely not fully stocked. <span>Oriol Romeu</span> is out with a long-term knee injury and both <span>Victor Moses</span> and <span>John Obi Mikel</span> are off on Africa Cup of Nations duty, <span>Gary Cahill</span>, meanwhile, was excused to be present for the birth of his first child. With <a class="sbn-auto-link" href="http://www.sbnation.com/soccer/fifa/players/110210/john-terry">John Terry</a> not fit enough to start, the absentees forced <span>David Luiz</span> into the back line while Ramires and <a class="sbn-auto-link" href="http://www.sbnation.com/soccer/fifa/players/110218/frank-lampard">Frank Lampard</a> began the day in central midfield.</p>
<p>That wasn't going so well early on. Stoke were able to hold possession and push the Blues back, and with <span>Juan Mata's</span> first touch failing to stick it was very difficult for Chelsea to move the ball forward. That led to long spells of possession for the hosts, and although the defence held up admirably there were still occasional scares. Had Kenwyne Jones found the inside of the post rather than skidding just wide in the eighth minute, we might have had a very different match on our hands.</p>
<p>Fortunately that early salvo was repelled, and Chelsea began to come into the match. Their first real chance fell to Frank Lampard after some excellent work from <span>Eden Hazard</span> and Mata, and if not for a top-class save from <span>Asmir Begovic</span> the Blues would have taken the lead in the 25th minute.</p>
<p>Lampard then turned provider with a deft ball over the top for <span>Demba Ba</span> ten minutes later. The striker showed great strength to hold off Ryan Shawcross, but once again Begovic kept the shot out with a fine stop, leaving Ramires' followup to be deflected wide.</p>
<p>Chelsea had had the better chances in the first half, but it was still a surprise to go into the interval 1-0 up. Some superb play on the left from Lampard led to a throw in in a good position, and eventually the ball was worked across the pitch for <span>Cesar Azpilicueta</span>, who danced into the box and crossed for a cloud of blue shirts at the back post.</p>
<p>Seeing that there were no covering defenders, Jonathan Walters, whose previous involvement in the match amounted to volleying the ball against his own face, raced back into position and attempted to clear the danger. Perhaps he misjudged the cross. Perhaps his striker's instincts took over. Either way, he produced an absolutely stupendous diving header and powered the ball into the back of the net, leaving a monumentally confused Mata in his wake and Chelsea up 1-0.</p>
<p>It could have been two shortly after halftime, with Ba managing to power through a pair of Stoke defenders and then pick out an unmarked <span>Ashley Cole</span>, only for Begovic to pull off yet another excellent kick save to keep the hosts in the game. Stoke, meanwhile, were producing chances of their own -- <span>Petr Cech</span> had to be alert to tip over when Steven N'Zonzi produced a long-ranged effort that had more in common with the wrath of Zeus than a shot. The match was still very much in question.</p>
<p>And Stoke came perilously close to drawing level shortly thereafter. <span>Charlie Adam</span> breezed (i.e. lumbered like the stumpy-legged bovine he is) past David Luiz with jaw-dropping ease before slipping <span>Matthew Etherington</span> through, and Azpilicueta's last-ditch challenge resulted in the winger going to ground and Andre Marriner pointing to the penalty spot.</p>
<p>Had the Potters scored there, the momentum would have been in their favour and three points would have been very much in doubt. Fortunately, the day was saved thanks to the assistant referee, whose frantically waving flag drew Marriner's attention to the fact that Etherington was (quite blatantly) offside when he picked up the pass.</p>
<p>Crisis averted, Chelsea went on to run away with the match. A lovely passage of play earned the Blues a corner, from which Walters struck again, stealing in ahead of Lampard to steer the ball past Begovic with the back of his head, becaming just the fourth player in Premier League history to score two own goals in one match in the process.</p>
<p>The Blues would have a goal of their own shortly thereafter. Mata was set free in the box, and although the pincer movement of <span>Ryan Shawcross</span> and <span>Robert Huth</span> provided adequate cover, the latter went through the back of Mata's legs in winning the ball. It wasn't a stonewall penalty by any means, but that didn't stop the spot kick being awarded. Lampard made sure of the points, finding the roof of the net in trademark style.</p>
<p>Begovic had no chance on the penalty, but he managed to prevent the midfielder making it 4-0 a few minutes later, denying him his brace with another fine stop. But the Bosnian, who was showing just why Chelsea were so interested in him a few years ago, could do nothing whatsoever about what was to come.</p>
<p>Hazard had had a brilliant match, reducing <span>Andy Wilkinson</span> to even more thoroughly thuggish behaviour than usual with a dizzying array of tricks. He capped it off with a phenomenal effort 17 minutes from time, fizzing in a shot from 35 yards that swerved out of the goalkeeper's reach and screamed into the side netting. Had it not been for <i>that</i> Oscar goal against Juventus, we'd have a goal of the season candidate on our hands.</p>
<p>By that point, the points were in the bag and Rafa Benitez was ringing in the changes. Ba went off for <a class="sbn-auto-link" href="http://www.sbnation.com/soccer/fifa/players/110873/fernando-torres">Fernando Torres</a>. Azpilicueta was removed for the eternally pretty figure of <a class="sbn-auto-link" href="http://www.sbnation.com/soccer/fifa/players/110645/paulo-ferreira">Paulo Ferreira</a>. But the biggest news was John Terry coming on for Juan Mata.</p>
<p>The captain had been absent for months after injuring his knee against <a class="sbn-auto-link" href="https://liverpooloffside.sbnation.com/">Liverpool</a>, a spell which perhaps-not-coincidentally also marked a complete collapse in results. His reintroduction should provide a huge boost to a Chelsea side which desperately needs his leadership in the coming months.</p>
<p>That said, his only real contribution today was to provide Stoke with a penalty in injury time. A rather unclever kick out on Walters saw Marriner take pity on the fallen Potter, pointing to the spot and seemingly awarding the hosts a consolation goal. Walters, who desperately needed his confidence boosted after a nightmare of a match, stepped forward to take the shot, only to add a missed penalty to his resume.</p>
<p>It would not have been entirely inappropriate for Chelsea fans to utter <a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-fY72dya5Syw/T0gfPF5ssaI/AAAAAAAADGk/s6AnLGtdsl8/s1600/simpsons_nelson_haha2.jpg" target="_blank">a hearty guffaw</a> at the poor striker's expense, although it was also difficult not to feel some sort of sympathy for a man embarrassing himself in front of thousands of people.</p>
<p>Thanks to Walters' brilliant demonstration of what Plato would have described as '[funning] awful football', the Blues' job was made far easier. Trips to the Britannia aren't supposed to result in 4-0 wins, and Pulis was right to be more than a little nonplussed at the result. But despite the scoreline being not entirely descriptive of the match, the three points were definitely deserved.</p>
<p>With the win and Tottenham's draw at Loftus Road, Chelsea climb back to third with a game in hand. Not a bad way to bounce back from the shock of losing to Swansea in midweek, I'm thinking.</p>
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https://weaintgotnohistory.sbnation.com/2013/1/12/3869420/stoke-vs-chelsea-match-report-result-2012Graham MacAree2013-01-12T16:51:21+00:002013-01-12T16:51:21+00:00Stoke City 0 - Chelsea 4: Initial reaction
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<img alt="" src="https://cdn.vox-cdn.com/thumbor/UFvVbKipiRLgQUidJFA-6z-wupM=/0x25:4000x2692/1310x873/cdn.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_image/image/6454225/159346932.0.jpg" />
<figcaption>Chris Brunskill</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>Well that was fun. <a class="sbn-auto-link" href="http://www.sbnation.com/soccer/epl/teams/stoke-city">Stoke City</a> were undefeated at the Britannia this season, but <a class="sbn-auto-link" href="https://weaintgotnohistory.sbnation.com/">Chelsea</a> broke that little streak with a very, very odd 4-0 win. It's a nice way to bounce back from the embarrassment of losing to <a class="sbn-auto-link" href="http://www.sbnation.com/soccer/epl/teams/swansea-city">Swansea City</a> and QPR at the Bridge, isn't it? Here're some quick thoughts:</p>
<ul>
<li>Chelsea crosses earned two goals today, but both were converted by Jonathan Walters, who opened the scoring with a lovely diving header just before halftime and then nodded home a corner to make it 2-0 after the break. Although attacking Stoke high is generally an insane thing to do, it paid off in really odd fashion here.</li>
<li>4-0 probably isn't the 'correct' score. The two sides were fairly easily matched until late on, at which point Stoke got tired and couldn't press Chelsea as heavily. The script of the game, if you like, has a (still impressive) 2-0 Chelsea win all over it. This way was better though.</li>
<li>That said, <span>Asmir Begovic</span> was magnificent today. He pulled off a pair of great saves against <a class="sbn-auto-link" href="http://www.sbnation.com/soccer/fifa/players/110218/frank-lampard">Frank Lampard</a> (although he could do nothing about the penalty), denied <span>Demba Ba</span> and stopped <span>Ashley Cole</span> early in the second half. This game could have been out of sight if not for the Bosnian's display.</li>
<li>How good was Eden Hazard's goal? You don't often see shots swerve into the side netting like that. Magnificent.</li>
<li>If you'd offered me six points from <a class="sbn-auto-link" href="https://royalbluemersey.sbnation.com/">Everton</a> away, QPR at home and then Stoke away, I'd have taken it. I wasn't really expecting the one loss to be the middle game though. Two of our better results this season are sandwiching our worst.</li>
<li> <a class="sbn-auto-link" href="http://www.sbnation.com/soccer/fifa/players/110210/john-terry">John Terry</a> came back. He gave away a penalty. Walters missed it. Perfect.</li>
</ul>
<p>To the player ratings!</p>
<p><iframe src="https://docs.google.com/spreadsheet/embeddedform?formkey=dGp5LVQ5dWh5YmVtbTFyTldheTFZc0E6MQ" width="760" height="500" frameborder="0" marginheight="0" marginwidth="0">Loading...</iframe></p>
https://weaintgotnohistory.sbnation.com/2013/1/12/3869190/stoke-city-vs-chelsea-2012-final-score-reactionGraham MacAree2013-01-12T15:51:53+00:002013-01-12T15:51:53+00:00Stoke City vs. Chelsea: Second Half Game Thread
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<img alt="Cause it's guy love, between two assholes." src="https://cdn.vox-cdn.com/thumbor/rFHVZ-ot8Y1e1g-YWcana1odqJA=/0x14:2950x1981/1310x873/cdn.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_image/image/6451511/159344448.0.jpg" />
<figcaption>Cause it's guy love, between two assholes. | Michael Regan</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>0-1 to the rugby team. I mean 1-0 to the good guys!</p> <p><a class="sbn-auto-link" href="http://www.sbnation.com/soccer/fifa/players/110218/frank-lampard">Frank Lampard</a> had the best chance of the half, but Begovic's super quick feet broke <a class="sbn-auto-link" href="https://weaintgotnohistory.sbnation.com/">Chelsea</a> hearts. Everything else Chelsea has been broken by the Stoke thugs, especially Ramires. The referee's oft-swallowed whistle is of course only enabling the Stoke mentality.</p>
<p>And then, just a few seconds before the half, Stoke had a funny and Jonathan Walters headed the ball into the back of his own net. Haha!</p>
https://weaintgotnohistory.sbnation.com/2013/1/12/3868914/stoke-city-vs-chelsea-second-half-game-threadDavid Pasztor2013-01-12T14:21:06+00:002013-01-12T14:21:06+00:00Stoke City vs. Chelsea: Lineups & Game Thread
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<img alt="We want Demba Ba, we want Demba Ba!" src="https://cdn.vox-cdn.com/thumbor/1ATHT0bDxtHEvuACwdsT45MLDpQ=/0x0:997x665/1310x873/cdn.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_image/image/6443019/131008041.0.jpg" />
<figcaption>We want Demba Ba, we want Demba Ba! | Michael Steele</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>Hearts on fire,<br>Strong desire,<br>Rages deep within;<br>Hearts on fire,<br>Fever's rising high,<br>The moment of truth is here;<br>Is here.</p>
<p><b><i><a href="http://www.sbnation.com/soccer/epl/teams/stoke-city" class="sbn-auto-link">Stoke City</a> starting lineup (4-2-3-1):</i></b><br><span>Asmir Begovic</span>; <span>Andy Wilkinson</span>, <span>Robert Huth</span>, <span>Ryan Shawcross</span>, <a href="http://www.sbnation.com/soccer/fifa/players/111180/geoff-cameron" class="sbn-auto-link">Geoff Cameron</a>; <span>Glenn Whelan</span>, <span>Steven Nzonzi</span>; <span>Matthew Etherington</span>, <span>Charlie Adam</span>, Jonathan Walters; Kenwyne Jones</p>
<p><i>Substitutes from:</i> <a class="sbn-auto-link" href="http://www.sbnation.com/soccer/fifa/players/110176/thomas-sorensen">Thomas Sorensen</a>, <span>Dean Whitehead</span>, <span>Matthew Upson</span>, <span>Michael Kightly</span>, <a class="sbn-auto-link" href="http://www.sbnation.com/soccer/fifa/players/110223/peter-crouch">Peter Crouch</a>, <span>Ryan Shotton</span>, <span>Cameron Jerome</span></p>
<p><b><i><a href="https://weaintgotnohistory.sbnation.com/" class="sbn-auto-link">Chelsea</a> starting lineup (4-2-3-1):</i></b><br><span>Petr Cech</span>; <span>Ashley Cole</span>, <span>David Luiz</span>, <a class="sbn-auto-link" href="http://www.sbnation.com/soccer/fifa/players/110687/branislav-ivanovic">Branislav Ivanovic</a>, <span>Cesar Azpilicueta</span>; Ramires, <a class="sbn-auto-link" href="http://www.sbnation.com/soccer/fifa/players/110218/frank-lampard">Frank Lampard</a>; <span>Ryan Bertrand</span>, <span>Juan Mata</span>, <span>Eden Hazard</span>; <span>Demba Ba</span></p>
<p><i>Substitutes from:</i> <span>Ross Turnbull</span>, <a class="sbn-auto-link" href="http://www.sbnation.com/soccer/fifa/players/110210/john-terry">John Terry</a>, Nathan Ake, <a class="sbn-auto-link" href="http://www.sbnation.com/soccer/fifa/players/110645/paulo-ferreira">Paulo Ferreira</a>, <span>Marko Marin</span>, Oscar, <a class="sbn-auto-link" href="http://www.sbnation.com/soccer/fifa/players/110873/fernando-torres">Fernando Torres</a></p>
<p>Congrats to <span>Gary Cahill</span> on the birth of his child! Elsewhere, loanees <span>Romelu Lukaku</span> and Billy Clifford are both set to start, while <span>Josh McEachran</span> and Nathaniel Chalobah duel in a Championship clash.</p>
<p>As far as this one...well...yeah. There ya have it. DEMBA BA. Petr Cech returns from injury and Bertrand makes an odd start, possibly to try to supply BA with some crosses and to help with the speedy Walters. Here we go.</p>
https://weaintgotnohistory.sbnation.com/2013/1/12/3868516/stoke-city-vs-chelsea-lineups-game-threadDavid Pasztor2013-01-12T01:26:17+00:002013-01-12T01:26:17+00:00Stoke City vs. Chelsea: Team News & Preview
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<img alt="DRAGO." src="https://cdn.vox-cdn.com/thumbor/FDgpsTHgtRyVX_FqYgoMEkrcpcg=/0x70:2840x1963/1310x873/cdn.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_image/image/6434001/158998930.0.jpg" />
<figcaption>DRAGO. | Christopher Lee</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>Hearts on fire / strong desire.</p> <p>Stoke always comes at the worst possible time. Now, to be fair, there's no good time for Stoke, like, ever, but lately it's come at the time when the last thing <a class="sbn-auto-link" href="https://weaintgotnohistory.sbnation.com/">Chelsea</a> needed was a Stoke.</p>
<p>Team winless in a month? <i>Here comes Stoke! </i>Team destroyed by Falcao, then draws with QPR and Juventus? <i> Here comes Stoke!</i> Team loses at home to QPR, then loses at home to <a class="sbn-auto-link" href="http://www.sbnation.com/soccer/epl/teams/swansea-city">Swansea City</a>, going scoreless for all 180 minutes? <i>Here comes Stoke!</i> World class manager trying to salvage a season? <i>Here comes Stoke!</i> New and unproven manager from Portugal? <i>Here comes Stoke! </i> Club legend trying to find his feet as a replacement manager? <i>Here comes Stoke!</i></p>
<p>It's a good thing Stoke is generally isolated and contained within the confines of a football ground. Who knows what sort of pandemic we'd be facing if it ever got out into the wild. Not even <a class="sbn-auto-link" href="http://www.sbnation.com/soccer/fifa/players/110411/didier-drogba">Didier Drogba</a> would have the power to stop that.</p>
<p><b><a class="sbn-auto-link" href="http://www.sbnation.com/soccer/epl/teams/stoke-city">Stoke City</a>: </b>Drago. Unbeaten at home. Strong, powerful, dirty. People either love it or hate it. They must break you.</p>
<p>I'm not sure this can be emphasized enough, but this team is unbeaten at home. A grand total of zero teams have walked out of there with three points this season. And while Chelsea faced a similar situation at <a class="sbn-auto-link" href="https://royalbluemersey.sbnation.com/">Everton</a>, Everton is no Stoke. There is only one Stoke and this is it. This is the Stoke. They must break you.</p>
<p>Whatever little actual football substance that we may expect from Stoke has been <a href="http://www.weaintgotnohistory.com/2013/1/11/3865222/opposition-scout-report-stoke-city-tactics-preview">reviewed</a> by Lamin, who may or may not be a Burmese King. Watch your right thumbs!</p>
<p><b>Chelsea: </b>Rocky. Beaten. Bruised. Battered. Small, quick. People hate it, but that's just because of the whole Cold War thing with Roman. Win everybody over with style, they shall.</p>
<p>Despite best intentions, it will be tough to play with any style in this one. One-nil to the rugby team goes the famous chant, however <span>Petr Cech</span> is set to miss out. We could've used his rugby cap. Hopefully then it'll be 0-1 to the non-rugby team, instead.</p>
<p><a class="sbn-auto-link" href="http://www.sbnation.com/soccer/fifa/players/110210/john-terry">John Terry</a> came through unscathed in his 45 minutes of Reserves action on Thursday so he'll probably make the bench. There are no other fresh injury news to report.</p>
<p>I have a friend who's turning 50 tonight and in his own honor is hosting a <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cornhole">cornhole</a> tournament at a local bowling alley-slash-bar. As depressing as it is that I'm old enough to associate with people who are 50 and who are not my parents, the upside is that I'll still be drunk by the time this match rolls around. Because make no mistake, this one rates close to a 10 on the<i> "Should I drink copious amounts for this Chelsea match?" </i>chart.</p>
<p><b>Date/Time: </b>Saturday, January 12, 2013, 15:00 GMT; 10 A.M. EST; 8:30 P.M. IST</p>
<p><b>Venue: </b> Britannia Stadium, Stoke-on-Trent</p>
<p><b>TV Information: </b><i>none</i> (UK); ESPN Deportes (USA); ESPN (India)</p>
<p><b>Online: </b><a href="http://espn.go.com/watchespn/index">ESPN3</a></p>
https://weaintgotnohistory.sbnation.com/2013/1/12/3867686/stoke-city-vs-chelsea-team-news-preview-watch-tv-informationDavid Pasztor2013-01-11T18:38:19+00:002013-01-11T18:38:19+00:00Scouting Stoke City
<figure>
<img alt="The ultimate test of football masculinity." src="https://cdn.vox-cdn.com/thumbor/PB7x43ipRv8LifW0ecxf6ku-23k=/0x0:491x327/1310x873/cdn.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_image/image/6401517/121125348.0.jpg" />
<figcaption>The ultimate test of football masculinity. | Laurence Griffiths</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>The legend has it the great Burmese king Bayinnaung (<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bayinnaung">Wiki link</a>) once applied extreme recruiting methods to assemble a squad of 500 brave soldiers. The candidates must withstand a pin being hammered into their right thumb. Those who did not wince got chosen. Bayinnaugn ain't no sissy either: he went first.</p>
<p>I recount this story, which I've learnt as a child from the Burmese history books, for two reasons. First, <a class="sbn-auto-link" href="http://www.sbnation.com/soccer/epl/teams/stoke-city">Stoke City</a> squad is stacked with players who will undoubtedly pass this test of bravery (Remember, bravery is in the eye of the beholder). <span>Robert Huth</span>. <i>With flying colors!</i> <span>Ryan Shawcross</span>. <i>You're in!</i> Kenwyne Jones. <i>Never a doubt!</i> Jonathan Walters. <i>Yawning as the pin sank deep into his thumb</i>.<i> </i>These are <strike>hard men</strike> HARD MEN is my point.</p>
<p>Secondly, by virtue of being a group of HARD MEN, <span>Tony Pulis's</span> team, in turn, has become the toughest examination of footballing masculinity. "Wet Wednesday night at Stoke" is the football version of "downing 20 shots of vodka in a minute," of "taking the bull by the horn, literally," of "opening a beer bottle with your eye socket." Tackles will slide in from all direction. Fouls will be committed. Aerial assults will be launched. The balls of this radically <i>Hobbitized</i> <a class="sbn-auto-link" href="https://weaintgotnohistory.sbnation.com/">Chelsea</a> will be weighted and measured at the Britania Stadium. Let us prepare for the challenge.</p>
<p><b> Form</b></p>
<p><a href="http://assets.sbnation.com/assets/2000999/Stoke_Form.png" target="_blank"><img alt="Stoke_form_medium" class="photo" src="http://assets.sbnation.com/assets/2000999/Stoke_Form_medium.png"></a></p>
<p><i>* Intentional use of Italics to tone down massive masculinity.</i></p>
<p>Who's surprised the scorelines aren't just made of 1's and 0's? Join the club. Stoke typically neither score nor concede much. In fact, they have ended 14 of their 21 league games, 66.6% (if that's not a sign, I don't know what is), with the scoreline 0-0, 1-1 or 1-0 this season. But a glitch in the universe appeared out of nowhere the day after Christmas when the Potters beat fellow mid-table dweller, <a class="sbn-auto-link" href="https://liverpooloffside.sbnation.com/">Liverpool</a>, 3-1. That was followed by an even more surprising 3-3 draw against <a class="sbn-auto-link" href="https://stmarysmusings.sbnation.com/">Southampton</a> at home. In the previous nine home games of this season, the highest number of goal conceded by Stoke was 1.</p>
<p>The 3-0 away loss to <a class="sbn-auto-link" href="https://bitterandblue.sbnation.com/">Manchester City</a> was not out of the ordinary. And Pulis's men earned a goalless draw against Crystal Palace in the FA Cup recently. I'm guessing that the glitch is over, that Stoke are back to their "hard as hell to break down" selves, but those couple of results make them slightly less predictable.</p>
<p><b>Approach</b></p>
<p><a href="http://assets.sbnation.com/assets/2001073/Stoke_defense_and_attack.png" target="_blank"><img alt="Stoke_defense_and_attack_medium" class="photo" src="http://assets.sbnation.com/assets/2001073/Stoke_defense_and_attack_medium.png"></a></p>
<p>In defense, Stoke deploys a simple, yet effective, 4-5-1 shape. Two walls of four protect the goalkeeper <span>Asmir Begovic</span> and Jonathan Walters often drops back from his advance position to help out his defense. They tend to crowd the center of the pitch, forcing opposition to move to the flanks. They don't care the crosses into the box, you see. Huth and Shawcross have the combined height of 3.74 meters (slightly shorter than <a href="http://animals.nationalgeographic.com/animals/fish/great-white-shark/">an average great white shark</a>) and that usually solves the problem.</p>
<p>Chelsea can take two routes to the Stoke goal. First option: tiki-taka through the center using the magical feet of their tiny attacking midfielders and <i>triangular rotations</i> (you didn't forget that term, did you?). Or just take what Stoke gives you and put in a ton of crosses from the wide area: a method likely to be more successful with <span>Demba Ba</span> leading the attack than <a class="sbn-auto-link" href="http://www.sbnation.com/soccer/fifa/players/110873/fernando-torres">Fernando Torres</a>' <a href="http://www.sbnation.com/soccer/2013/1/10/3859966/fernando-torres-chelsea">identical twin with an accounting degree, Alberto Hernandez</a>.</p>
<p>In attack, Stoke utilizes the physical strength of Jones to receive long passes and hold the ball before finding his attacking partners. They use their width with <span>Matthew Etherington</span> and <strike>Keira</strike> <span>Michael Kightly</span> moving down the flanks and delivering crosses into the box for Jones and Walters. This is not a complicated attacking method. Doing the simple things right in defense--holding a good 4-4-1-1 defensive shape, attacking players tracking back, defenders clearing the aerial threats--will be the key to Chelsea earning a clean sheet here.</p>
<p><b>Player</b></p>
<p>In Stoke's 4-4-1-1/4-2-3-1, Jonathan Walters plays in that hole behind the striker. A position typically occupied by small, technical players (e.g. <span>Juan Mata</span>, <span>Santi Cazorla</span> and <span>David Silva</span>). Walters does not possess great technical abilities, but he brings other qualities to the table.</p>
<p>He is more defensively-abled than most attacking midfielders. His work rate off the ball is exemplary. He has the energy to track, press and defend. He has played up front as the main striker and on the wings; his versatility makes him less predictable.</p>
<p><a href="http://assets.sbnation.com/assets/2001457/walters.png" target="_blank"><img alt="Walters_medium" class="photo" src="http://assets.sbnation.com/assets/2001457/walters_medium.png"></a></p>
<p>His two goals against Liverpool in their recent victory illustrate that Walters has the knack for getting himself into good position to get the second ball from Jones. But they also showed that Walters has the skill and the composure to finish these chances when they come along. If Chelsea can't compete for the ball against Jones, they should concentrate on clearing the second ball ahead of the predatory Walters.</p>
<p><b>Full Speed Ahead</b></p>
<p>The ultimate test of football manliness awaits. There will be pain. There will be blood. There is no turning back. From a distant past, the battle cry of David G. Farragut still rings loud and clear: "Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead!"</p>
https://weaintgotnohistory.sbnation.com/2013/1/11/3865222/opposition-scout-report-stoke-city-tactics-previewLamin Oo