Newcastle United looking to sign one of Marc Cucurella or Kieran Tierney — report

I wouldn’t imagine there is much overlap in what Newcastle United might consider an ideal football world, and what Chelsea might consider an ideal football world, but if their ideal football world involves a Marc Cucurella loan, perhaps we can create our own bit of ideal world together. A small piece of one anyway.

And it would be our very own little corner, just for us and no one else, safe from the harsh realities of performance-based evaluations and results-oriented objectives. And then we could gather there to talk hair products and make funny videos and laugh and laugh and laugh. Oh how we’d laugh!

What are the chances of this tiny slice of utopia?

Well, apparently, according to the Telegraph, Newcastle are “looking to sign a left back on loan” and the two names at the top of their wishlist are Arsenal’s Kieran Tierney and our very own Marc Cucurella. Newcastle have “reason to believe” (and probably rightly so) that both teams and both players would be open to this opportunity, and there is “some confidence a breakthrough can be reached”. I don’t image they’d have to hit that wall too hard.

Newcastle would offer to cover wages, and might even be willing to include “either an option or an obligation” to turn the loan into a transfer next summer.

Does that sound too good to be true? Well, there’s a reason we don’t live in an ideal world...