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Of course Thomas Tuchel wouldn’t mind having Harry Kane at Chelsea

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He ain’t no dummy, but the media thinks you are

Chelsea FC v Tottenham Hotspur - Premier League Photo by Clive Rose/Getty Images

Thomas Tuchel “confirms his interest”, screamed the headlines on Friday (et tu, Matt Law?), which meant that the headline-writers at publications like the Telegraph had clearly gotten started on their weekends a fair bit early, and were a few pints in by the time the embargoed non-broadcast quotes from the pre-match conference were set to be published.

Did Tuchel “confirm his interest”? Well sure. Just as would, in Tuchel’s actual words, any coach at any team.

Other things in which Tuchel would undoubtedly confirm his interest if he were just asked in a press conference include, but are probably not limited to, breathing, food, and hugging N’Golo Kanté to within an inch of his life.

“If you find any coach around the world who would not like to have Harry Kane in his team, call me again. I would like to speak with the guy and hear about his ideas of scoring and attacking.

“Everybody loves Harry Kane but let’s be very, very clear, he is a player for Tottenham. He has a long-term contract and we will not get involved in any press conference with any disrespectful comments about that.”

-Thomas Tuchel; source: Guardian

The Guardian went with a slight more measured “Tuchel throws Chelsea’s hat in the ring”, which is still overstating the case. I’m sure Tuchel would love to have a prime Marco van Basten in his team, too, but that doesn’t mean he’s throwing his hat into the time travel research ring.

In any case, the Kane story will be mined for rumors and quotes until he [FUN]s off to Manchester City, provided he finds his way out of Daniel Levy’s dungeon, so hopefully that happens soon because I’m already tired of this nonsense.