Chelsea ‘will make big push’ to break the bank for Erling Haaland in the summer — report

Silly Season never sleeps, as we like to say, and here to illustrate that point for us today is Simon Johnson of The Athletic, who makes the bold claim that Chelsea “will make a big push to sign” Erling Haaland this summer, and break the club transfer record to do so.

Boom.

Johnson apparently has been “reassured” on good authority (Hello, Mr. Agent) that Chelsea are “determined” to bring in yet another top striker after the season, and that the freakishly good Haaland (or is it Håland?) is “the player” we want. Well, he is a player, and he crushes a lot, so we’re all good there.

Our master plan involves trying to get a jump on the rest of Europe’s elite in what is sure to be a massive auction for the 20-year-old’s services if and when he does decide to move on from Borussia Dortmund. His current contract supposedly has a €75m release clause, which is a bargain but is only valid after the 2021-22 season — assuming BVB don’t renegotiate it beforehand — so instead we’re going to back the money-truck up to their loading dock now (well, in the summer), and unload all of Roman’s Roubles to convince Dortmund to cash in a year early and at even greater profit. Or some such.

Mino Raiola, can you clarify please? (Haaland has been linked with Barcelona, Manchester City, and Manchester United just recently as well, and that’s far from an exhaustive list.)

Meanwhile, back on the home front, we’re going to make room for the man who once mentioned Lampard’s name in an interview so this is for sure happening by finally letting Olivier Giroud go. So sorry, Timo Werner, who’s apparently already been reduced to a support striker role, at best, and Tammy Abraham, who led the team in scoring last season but apparently “has only shown promise”. Haaland, who’s a couple years younger, “is the kind of target man that can take the club to another level”, concludes the report.

So there ya have it. Welcome, Erling.