Spurs make Giroud inquiry, offer 1.5-year deal to Chelsea striker — reports

Try to imagine all life as you know it stopping instantaneously and every molecule in your body exploding at the speed of light. That’s what happens when you cross the streams.

Only one man has ever survived such a proton confluence, William Gallas. The former Chelsea, Arsenal, AND SPURS defender is the biggest buster of all them Ghostbusters.

But he could have company, and soon, in his efforts to fight the things that knock between dimensions. According to multiple reports late Tuesday night, Tottenham Hotspur have launched an ambitious and audacious move for Chelsea striker Olivier Giroud.

It’s a two-pronged attack, with a cash-filled inquiry of unknown magnitude on the Chelsea angle and a 1.5-year contract offer on the player’s angle.

Giroud, who’s already worn the red of Arsenal and the blue of Chelsea, would presumably be okay with the white of Spurs as well, especially as it would keep him in London and offer him plenty of playing time ahead of Euro 2020 thanks to Harry Kane’s long-term injury and José Mourinho’s mistrust of anyone under 24, such as Troy Parrott.

Whether Chelsea would be willing to sanction such a move is much more debatable. Certainly, if things were up Frank “Firmly Reject Spurs Always” Lampard, we probably would not even consider this for a minute. If things were up to Willian “He Hates Tottenham” Borges, he probably would string them along until the last minute, and then pull the plug and laugh. But it’s not up to them. It’s up to Petr “Arsenal Don’t Stick On Me” Čech, and Marina “These Aren’t The Droids You’re Looking For” Granovskaia.

Anything could happen in the next 72 hours.