Chelsea make Peter Crouch inquiry — report

In case you thought Chelsea had not quite scraped the bottom of the barrel just yet, here is the Telegraph’s Sam Wallace to assure you that there is still a bit left below Andy Carroll.

We’re pretty sure they are just trolling us at this point — and possibly with Crouch’s consent, considering his penchant for quality comedy — but according to his report, Chelsea “have made inquiries” about the Stoke City and England veteran with the pretty good feet for a big man, and almost 450 Premier League apperances (and over 100 Premier League goals), and who used to be a ballboy at Stamford Bridge.

In case this is real, Chelsea’s preference for a loan at least makes some sense (tried this same move with Carroll), but where things start breaking down is when the player getting loaned in is a 37-year-old has been. I mean, at that point, we might as well get Drogba back. Or Flo. Hell, he’s already at the club, even, coaching the U14s or whatever. Come on down, Tore Andre.

In fairness, Crouchy’s social media game is on par with Michy’s, and given the latter’s recent on-pitch contributions, this may not be such a giant step backwards after all.