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German tabloid connects Carroll, Batshuayi, Aubameyang, Alexis Sanchez dominoes

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Jigsaw, falling into place.

Chelsea v Stoke City - Premier League Photo by Craig Mercer - CameraSport via Getty Images

The crossover event of the January sweeps could be about to unfold right in front of our very eyes if Bild are to be believed. It should be noted that as basically the German version of The Sun, they probably shouldn’t be believed. But this is too funny to ignore, so let’s dive in.

Bild’s main story (via Metro) is that Borussia Dortmund want Chelsea’s Michy Batshuayi (and not just on loan) to replace Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang, who’s been recently linked with a move to Arsenal, where he would replace Alexis Sánchez, who’s all but a Manchester United player at this point. Wheels within wheels.

Unfortunately for Chelsea, the circle doesn’t quite complete and we’re somehow left holding the Andy Carroll-sized bag instead. It’s more of a line of dominoes actually, falling from best to worst, and we’re the last ones: Alexis replaced by Aubameyang replaced by Batshuayi replaced by Carroll.

If that doesn’t get you excited for this deal, I’m not sure what will.

Fortunately, it’s just Bild. (Though it sounds like we’re going to push through the Carroll deal anyway.)