BREAKING: Sky Sports catches up with last three weeks of Diego Costa developments

I hope y’all are sitting down. There’s BREAKING news to report and if there is one outlet that does BREAKING news better than anyone else, it’s Sky BREAKING Sports BREAKING News. BREAKING. H. BREAKING. Q.

Take it away, boys!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on. Diego? Atlético?? NO FLIPPING WAY!

I mean, what was the clue? Was his it his interview after the FA Cup final? Was it all the text-gate nonsense? Were it the repeated interviews that made it clear that there are only two teams in this world that he’d play for, Atlético Madrid and Chelsea and one of those doesn’t want him?

We may never know.

Sure, you can interpret Sky’s tweet to mean that Costa specifically told Atlético that he’s no longer considering the possibility of returning to Chelsea, but if he was still entertaining such thoughts after all that’s happened since the end of the season, he might want to break out of his reality distortion field and join the rest of us in the real world.

At this point, only two questions remain around Costa.

1. How much will Atlético pay for him? We want £50m, they’re willing to go as high as £26m. Lots of room to negotiate there!
2. What will he do for the six months until Atlético can actually register him? A loan somewhere seems to be most likely solution, but no one knows where after AC Milan essentially dropped out.

Any other outcome would be a massive surprise.

But thanks, Sky. Who knows how long it will take me to recover from this BREAKING news...