Fresh world record offer from China on the table for Costa — report

This may be true, it may be not. It is from the Mirror, so there’s perhaps more of the latter than the former, but there’s probably a nugget of truth somewhere in there. We know the story already. Either way, it makes for some juicy headlines and it also ticks many of the narrative boxes that have enveloped Diego Costa, Chelsea, and China.

BOOM.

Chelsea — that’s us
fear — as if we’re not already preparing for life without Costa
fresh — so fresh, so clean
£650,000 — post-tax
a — per
week — that’s right, per week
China — new money to disrupt established football-world order but one that supposedly had restrictions put on it in January to curb such irresponsible spending
offer — £34m per year, post-tax
has — this is true, I read it on the Internet
turned — really don’t want to get injured right now
mis-firing — used to score a lot, hasn’t lately
Diego — DEEAAAAYGO DEEAAAAYGO DEEAAAAYGO
Costa’s — the villain of the piece
head — who knows what’s going on in there

What does that spell?

CHELSEA FEAR FRESH £650,000-A-WEEK CHINA OFFER HAS TURNED MIS-FIRING DIEGO COSTA’S HEAD

Well then.

I guess the only question that remains is, how much are they paying in transfer fees? I’d presume enough to sign both Lukaku and Alexis? Good.