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Nothing new under The Sun: Here's your annual sensational Messi to Chelsea rumor

¡Dios mío!
¡Dios mío!
Mike Stobe/Getty Images

This time, he didn't even have to "like" or "follow" Chelsea on some social media account.  Or hang out with Cesc Fàbregas who would no doubt want to sweet-talk him into a move to London.  Or have his move engineered by adidas's bottomless pit of money (because, you know, adidas are like Janice in accounting and they just don't give a [fun] about soon-to-be-Nike's Chelsea anymore).  And those are stories just from the last couple years that wanted us to believe in the most impractical, impossible, inconceivable transfer of all time.

This time, Messi just had to break the law, and more pertinently, get caught breaking the law.  So now that he's a (proven) crook, bearded and tattooed, he surely belongs in our comfy hive of scum and villainy, home of the enemies of football.  "But Mourinho's no longer here!" you might protest, but hush now, it's us against the world, just as it's always been.  Come to the dark side, Leo.

So, here's a story of a wide-eyed boy who really knows nothing about financial matters and just wants to play football.  But now he's been sent to the corner (literally, just the corner; neither he nor his father will serve jail time — not to mention any appeals), and maybe he's so upset that he wants make up for his lost millions with millions from Roman Abramovich (or Manchester City).  £600k per-week!  £800k per-week!  Enough money to buy happiness.

That's what The Sun is peddling, along with claims such as Messi's father meeting Roman on the Chelsea owner's love boat superyacht.  Super duper!

Also, LOL.

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