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Very serious Chairman Wontumi submits very serious bid to buy Chelsea, very seriously

From his Gmail account

Chelsea Football Club being sold is a very serious thing, both in terms of what it means for the club and the fans, and what it means and signifies in terms of the geopolitical situation and specifically Russia’s invasion of Ukraine, but I’d like to personally thank all the jokers and clowns who have come out of the woodwork to add some levity to this process.

Joining the likes of Conor McGregor and Muhsin Bayrak is Ghanaian “businessman and politician” Bernard Antwi-Boasiako, a.k.a. Chairman Wontumi. Look, he even has a letterhead and a Gmail address, and a company logo that evokes Weyland-Yutani.

Wontumi used to be in the gold mining business before that business took turn for the worse, but Mr Chairman claims that three billion is just a pittance for a man of stature like himself.

And he even has our first transfer target set as well! What a man!

“What I want to do now is to buy Chelsea Football Club. I’m a businessman, I do gold mining and [I can afford] £3 billion. I want to join the bid to buy the club.

“If I buy Chelsea, one of the first players I bring in is the Brazilain Vinicius Junior… What is £3 billion?”

-Chairman Wontumi; source: Wontumi FM via Pulse

And we’re not stopping there! Oh no!

“...and sell off Lukaku.

“I will speak with Man United to see if I can also buy Ronaldo for Chelsea. I’d also look at signing Messi. Abramovich has done his best. It is time for him to support a Ghanaian or an African to buy Chelsea.”

-Chairman Wontumi; source: Wontumi FM via GhanaWeb

I’m glad we’re getting Ronaldo, O Fenômeno out of retirement. Big fan!

And the Chairman would want you know that he’s a very serious man, not a joke person, and certainly not a “ghost”(?), and this is a very serious bid, not a joke bid (please!).

Here’s the man, the legend, the Chairman himself.

All that said, if Chelsea were owned by an African magnate, it would be absolutely fantastic. I’m rooting for you, Chairman Wontumi.