Cristiano Ronaldo banished from Manchester United first-team ahead of Chelsea game

Cristiano Ronaldo will not play against Chelsea this weekend after getting axed from the Manchester United first-team today. The 37-year-old has been banished from first-team training for at least the rest of the week after his strop down the tunnel before the final whistle in last night's 2-0 win over Tottenham Hotspur.

United have officially confirmed this disciplinary action against the egotistical footballing legend, which unfortunately does mean that they will be able to concentrate fully on preparing for us and not be distracted by his latest antics.

Cristiano Ronaldo will not be part of the Manchester United squad for this Saturday’s Premier League game against Chelsea.

The rest of the squad is fully focused on preparing for that fixture

-Manchester United statement

This situation has been simmering since the summer, when Cristiano Ronaldo tried to engineer a move away from United. He’s started just two Premier League games for new head coach Erik ten Hag, who’s managed to navigate this awkward situation with relative aplomb, while also getting results on the pitch lately after a poor start to the season. United, like most top teams, are a better “team” without having to accommodate CR7.

We should probably be very thankful to former reluctant Transfer Tsar Thomas Tuchel for reportedly, and repeatedly, dissuading new owner Todd Boehly from falling for superagent Jorge Mendes’ charms and torpedoing our season by signing Cristiano Ronaldo in the summer.