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WE AIN’T GOT NO FOOTBALL: The bestest boys and girls weigh in on Chelsea’s season

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This blog has really gone to the dogs

Where Báró, the King of the Mountain now roams free, Chelsea are always in season and always winning
Dávid Pásztor

Imagine an international break.

Then imagine it ten times more boring, and a million times more impactful.

Welcome to Day 4.

Here’s some doggies (and one cat because Fellipe’s a cat-man). Cat-man-du?

As Cat Stevens sang on Katmandu:

I sit beside the dark
Beneath the mire
Cold grey dusty day
The morning lake
Drinks up the sky

Crazy hippie, that guy was. But such a lovely voice!

Send help.


Mylo disapproves of your shenanigans
Rohaan Bhuyan

Mylo: “They keep saying VVD this, VVD that, but I’ve never seen JT and Riccy Carvalho blow a 2-1 extra-time lead in the Champions League. Then again, I I would rather sleep than see us get mauled by Lewangoalsky again.

“Here’s some food for thought, however: if the Premier League has no relegation this season, could be considered a mini version of the evil European Super League that everyone keeps banging on about?”


Miya sees all
Fellipe Miranda

Miya: “We need to accept the harsh reality that N’Golo Kanté has not been the same since getting injured at the end of last season. The recurring issues with his fitness indicate that he likely will never get back to the levels that made him the centrepiece of our midfield. We need to start thinking about how to best address this issue, and find the heir to a living legend.”


Maci, The Happiest Berner in All of California
Dávid Pásztor

Maci: “Look, I think Lampard’s doing a fine job and just like his team, is learning as we go. It may not have been the best season, but it’s been one of the more engaging ones. That doesn’t mean there isn’t room for improvement. And that doesn’t mean that he shouldn’t be given time, and not just this season and whatever may be left of it, to put it together. Just like this team.

“Basically, what I’m saying is, give him some transfer market treats and watch him do his tricks like the champ that he is. Think long-term, reap long-term rewards. Not like me. Squirrel!”


Renley (left) and Gus (right) are pondering exactly what you’re pondering
André Carlisle

Renley: “I don’t think you should get credit for using hindsight to now agree with Lampard’s decision to bench Kepa. Just because it might have worked doesn’t make it any more right than the fact that, at the time, he wasn’t performing.”

Gus: “That ignores the psychology of players, which is intimate knowledge fans like us claim to possess but can’t possibly. Kepa could have been just as well, and might yet be, broken by the shaming. All teams set their goalkeeper hierarchies in stone before the season because it’s the one position where yanking a player in and out of the lineup can provide the most disruption. We cannot forget that Willy Caballero also showed why he was the ‘Break Glass in Case of Emergency’ option, and I’m not sure Kepa’s form, and not the defense overall, was most responsible for the emergency.”

Both: “Was that a good enough mock sports discussion for you, you fiend? Now give us our treats and get a better hobby.”


Ed.note: we stole this idea from our friends at The Busby Babe.