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And now, Branislav Ivanović explains to Yuri Zhirkov that time is a flat circle

Branislav Ivanović, Chelsea’s best ever ManBear caught on camera

Zenit Saint Petersburg bench

The camera centers around Yuri Zhirkov, ex-Chelsea defender, winding down his prolific career with Zenit Saint Petersburg. He is joined by his best mate, ManBear, also known as Bane or Branislav Ivanović.

Ivanović himself has enjoyed an illustrious career on and off the field. Together they are joined by Zenit’s promising bench mob duo Brad and Chad in yellow pinnies.

Ivanović: “Yooori, someone once told me ze ball is ... a flat circle”

Zhirkov: “...”

Ivanović has been contemplating existentialism as he winds down his career with Zenit. A no-nonsense defender in London, he’s become a man reborn in Saint Petersburg. He tries to motion with his hands the conceptual nature of time and space as it correlates to the ball.

Ivanović: “Everything ze ball has ever done, or will do—”

Zhirkov: [looks over in disbelief]

Ivanović: “— ze ball gon’ do over and over and over again.”

The camera pans out to reveal a hand that is persistently tapping on Ivanović’s arm. The hand belongs to Chad.

Ever the eavesdropper, Chad taps Ivanović repeated on the arm hoping to gain his attention. Typical Chad.

Chad: “tch, tch Bane... bro..”

Chad motions to the stadium big screen. It is at this moment Ivanović learns that his semi-private conversation has been shared among the masses.

He freezes with his hands still motioning the relative concepts of a ball representing time and space repeating itself.

It will take him seconds to comprehend that Chad just interrupted — again. Regaining composure, he begins to understand that life has given him a platform much greater than he had anticipated.

Ivanović, like a true bear and never one to hide shame, proudly embraces the stadium fans to share his shower thoughts.

Ivanović: “And again. And again. Forever.”


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