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EXCLUSIVE! Chelsea DENY plans to RePLaCe club crest with Eden Hazard’s FACE

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How far are Chelsea willing to go to convince Eden to sign a new contract?

Chelsea v Burnley - Premier League Photo by Ben Hoskins/Getty Images

The paragon of journalism known as the Daily Express, in a half-asse...mbled EXCLUSIVE report yesterday, breathlessly detailed Chelsea’s supposed “plans” and immediate denials to change the club crest. Last changed in 2005 to return to the classic lion rampant after the “modernized” ‘90s lion of Ken Bates, the current Chelsea crest is a perfect mix of old and new and changing it would certainly create some strong feelings. The Express even tie this into the repeatedly debunked Abramovich selling up rumors, as if their original report wasn’t shoddy enough.

“We have no plans to alter - or redesign - our club crest. A decision like would only be made after prolonged consultation with our supporters - just like we did in 2005.”

-Chelsea spokesperson; source: Express

A denial, of course, is as a good as a confirmation.

Luckily for you, we’ve learned EXCLUSIVELY EXCLUSIVE details of this very much real and dEfInItElY NOT made up redesign process.

We would definitely never fabricate a joke out of this ... let’s be generous and call it a “story” ... how dare you accuse us!

Fake disclaimers out of the way, we can now reveal that WAGNH have exclusively learned by way of well-placed sources within approximately one light-year of Stamford Bridge (can’t give away their exact location!), that Chelsea are planning on getting rid of the lion altogether (Willian ate them all) and are going to replace it with...

...drumroll please...

...Eden Hazard’s face!

That’s right. Hazard FC will officially become, Hazard FC. It’s perfect, if we dare say so, and we do. He might even sign his new contract now!

You see, Mr. Abramovich has grown tired of the persistent and, frankly, obnoxious tapping-up of Hazard by Real Madrid and has been convinced that incorporating Eden’s face into the club badge will morally compel Chelsea’s thrilling forward to stay in England.

It is understood that some thought has been given to the issue raised when Eden kisses the badge, with general acknowledgement that it might appear unseemly for a player to kiss himself. However, Cristiano Ronaldo’s self-adoration has changed the zeitgeist and this is not believed to be a major obstacle.

This attempt to sweeten Hazard’s new deal has hit a bit of a snag however. The design team simply cannot decide which of the following three images to use as the model for the new crest.

OPTION A:

Scotland v Belgium - International Friendly

OPTION B:

Scotland v Belgium - International Friendly

OPTION C:

Belgium v France: Semi Final - 2018 FIFA World Cup Russia

But you can help decide by voting in this here most official poll of all polls.

Poll

Which Hazard-face do you prefer for Chelsea’s new crest?

This poll is closed

  • 25%
    OPTION A: "The WTF"
    (227 votes)
  • 42%
    OPTION B: "The I Can’t Believe This Is A Post Either"
    (374 votes)
  • 31%
    OPTION C: "The International Break Stinks"
    (279 votes)
880 votes total Vote Now