TO: Thibaut Courtois, Chelsea FC star
RE: Do you need a pen?
I have many pens. Black pens, blue pens, red pens, green pens. Yellow might not show up on white A4, but I have one of those too.
Or do you have a hand cramp? I know a masseur. Fix you right up.
Pls communicate issue. Need new contract signed ASAP. We’re dying over here.
The longer Thibaut Courtois takes to sign a contract extension, the more the media will flood us with stories about his future home.
Spoiler alert: it’s never Chelsea. Spoiler alert #2: it’s always PSG or Real Madrid.
We have two new ones to wince over today. Same old destinations, but one has a twist.
The rather reliable Simon Johnson of the Evening Standard is claiming that Real Madrid, those “notorious penny-pinchers”, have decided that Courtois and their other targeted ‘keeper, David de Gea, are too expensive. Their new choice? Karlo Letic of Croatian club Hadjuk Split.
Great. Buy him now. Stop the Real Madrid narrative dead in its tracks.
Our other new story involves PSG, because of course it does! That paragon of virtuous reporting in the Daily Mail reports that PSG have targeted either Thibaut or de Gea for a summer purchase. They’re simply peddling a report from French outlet Telefoot, which also adds AC Milan star Gianluigi Donnarumma to the Paris club’s shopping list. All pricey options. But apparently money’s no object when a nation-state is bankrolling your operation.
On March 1st we reported that Courtois’ contract talks would be delayed until mid-March. Well, mid-March is fast approaching! So is the end of Thibaut’s contract, which expires in 2019.
We have pens, Thibaut. Fine pens. Wonderful pens. Pens ideally suited to signing things like, oh, contracts for example. All yours for the asking. Just please, sign it so we can all move on.