Transfer rumor nonsense: Hazard to Manchester United; David Luiz to Arsenal or Newcastle

In case you thought we might be in for a quiet winter transfer window given that Chelsea tend not make waves in January these days and that the squad’s immediate needs are obvious and specific (backup left back; possibly backup striker), here are a couple recent stories to remind you that there is a lot of nonsense out there and they’re loud enough where ignoring them isn’t always so easy. Perhaps by pointing the finger we can at least gain some merriment, though even that is sure to get old pretty quickly if these are the quality of stories we can expect for the next month.

First up, the David Luiz saga — well, they’re trying to make it a saga, certainly — took an odd turn with a link to Arsenal, which was an EXCLUSIVE from Tony Banks of the Express. If that wasn’t enough, Arsenal’s bid might now get hijacked by ... Newcastle? Huh? That’s also from the Express, who are certainly getting full value out of this cycle of bullpucky.

Meanwhile, Conte’s at his wits end in answering the incessant questions about David Luiz, who remains out with a knee inflammation.

“I don’t read [rumors]. I don’t have [any more] information about this topic. I repeat, I am very realistic and tell the truth. I answered about him a few days ago. He’s injured. Maybe three weeks.

“To stop this, I think it’s right to call the doctor and to have a conference with the doctor. I think this is a good idea. I understand that someone is thinking that I’m not telling the truth. I’m disappointed about this, but I can understand it. I’m disappointed because I like to tell you the truth at every moment. I’d like to tell you a bad truth rather than a good lie. I think we can call the doctor and organise a conference with the doctor for him to explain the medical situation of all my players. In this way I can avoid having to answer this question, avoid the creation of this atmosphere of ‘it’s not true what he’s telling us’.”

-Antonio Conte; source: Star

No, that’s a terrible idea.

But not as bad as selling Hazard for only, get this, 90m and not even to Real Madrid but, wait for it, Manchester United ... to the man who once rated each of Hazard’s legs at 100m and that was before PSG rewrote the rules with the Neymar transfer.

This one’s a Sun EXCLUSIVE from Neil Custis, who’s certainly giving the likes of Diario Gol and Don Balon a run for their money for who can place the most laughable transfer rumors under our collective Christmas trees this week. Money well earned with this one, Neil.

So there you have it. Hazard to reunite with Mourinho — ohhhkay — and David Luiz to join Arsenal or Newcastle because reasons. Happy yuletide!