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Chelsea players’ outfits at the team dinner, ranked

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Your daily dose of off-topic shenanigans.

One of the ways Antonio Conte has built such a strong spirit in the Chelsea camp this season has been with the institution of a monthly team dinner, a simple yet effective strategy to get the team to interact outside of just “working hours” at the training ground.

The latest of these was held earlier this week, with a couple of the players sharing photos of the crew on social media. Since not everybody was in the picture, some poor journalism ensued from the likes of The Sun (I know, I’m just as shocked as you are) before the Captain put them in their place.

But let’s not waste more breath talking about The Sun; let’s talk about the important things: the outfits! Footballers and fashion go hand-in-hand of course, almost as much as runway models and football do. There are notable exceptions (Michael Ballack always comes to mind), but by and large, the clothing choices are questionable.

The following rankings are a result of exact science.

19. Azpilicueta thinks he looks fabulous, but there’s not a single matching thing on him. Blue shirt, green pants, brown shoes, white and grey jacket with the fur.

18. Fàbregas can pick a pass but it looks like he picked one too many things to wear as a top. The headscarf is an ... interesting ... choice, while the jeans overdo it with the distressing.

17. Chalobah’s white sneakers are a ridiculous choice to go with the rest of the all-black ensemble including the big coat.

16. Ake is basically Chalobah done a bit better, both in terms of jacket and shoes. Not by much.

15. Moses might want to bin those trousers. Or maybe they just need a wash?

14. Kenedy gets minus points for weather-inappropriate wear (where’s your jacket?) and the baggy pants with the massive knee tears.

13. Loftus-Cheek was fine until we got to the shoes. And then you notice that his jeans have far too much going on, too.

12. Costa also forgot his jacket, otherwise it’s fine, if a bit boring.

11. It’s pains me to put David Luiz this far down the list, but that shirt-jacket is no bueno. What’s with this top-button(s)-only buttoning thing? The shoes may be trying too hard as well.

10. Alonso looks mostly decent from the waist up except for whatever he’s trying to accomplish with that (once again) oddly buttoned black shirt layer. Sympathy points for the bruise under the eye.

9. Batshuayi makes up for Kenedy’s and Costa’s lack of jackets with this elaborate number. The coat does distract from the white sneakers on the other hand.

8. Hazard just wants to show you how funky and strong is his fight. Hee-hee.

7. Impressed that Aina (scroll up a bit) managed to find a shirt to match the color of that jacket.

6. Zouma proves that it is possible to pull off a small leather jacket as a big guy. Shoes could use a bit of improvement.

5. Willian’s got it going on with the chain, the shirt, and the jacket. The big blue hat works surprisingly well and not just for sentimental reasons. Unfortunately can’t see the lower half of the outfit.

4. Pedro (scroll up) is very well put together and I like the extra interest from the patterned jacket. Loses points for a t-shirt under the cardigan.

3. Matić was on his way to a Bond audition afterwards.

2. Begović sure knows how to wear a peacoat.

1. John Terry, Captain, Leader, Legend.

As far as Conte goes, the sneakers are a disappointing choice and I’m not a fan at all of puffer jackets. The v-neck with the collared shirt is classic casual though.

Overall, a bit better than I expected. Other than the bottom three, and especially Azpilicueta, no major disasters.