It's always a bit of misnomer to do this post whenever Chelsea lose, but when the loss so unequivocally bad as the 3-0 reverse to Arsenal on Saturday, it's downright laughable to talk about "three stars" and the "Man of the Match" and whatnot.
Diego Costa was perhaps the only player not to have to hang his head in shame after those awful 90 minutes. He's the obvious "Man of the Match", as far as anyone can be Man of the Match when your team loses 3-0 and doesn't have a shot on target until the 84th minute.
For academic purposes, here's the full rundown.
STARTERS:
Courtois (4.3), Azpilicueta (4.9), David Luiz (4.9), Cahill (2.0), Ivanović (2.4), Kanté (4.6), Matić (3.8), Fàbregas (4.0), Hazard (3.9), Costa (6.2), Willian (4.0)
SUBS:
Alonso (4.9), Batshuayi (5.1), Pedro (4.1)
In case you’re wondering, yes, Gary Cahill’s 2.0 is indeed a brand new record low in the four-year history of WAGNH player ratings. You might think Fernando Torres had held the record previously, but it was in fact Cahill who had it already, garnering a 2.1 for his efforts in the 5-3 loss against Spurs on New Year’s Day 2015. You might say that was more impressive given the good feels around the club in general that season (next lowest for the year was a 3.5 from ... wait for it ... also Gary Cahill against Newcastle, way).
TOP 5 INGLORIOUS PERFORMANCES, 2012-2016:
- GARY CAHILL, Arsenal (A), 2016-17 Premier League — 2.0
- GARY CAHILL, Spurs (A), 2014-15 Premier League — 2.1
- BRANISLAV IVANOVIĆ, Porto (A), 2015-16 Champions League — 2.4
- BRANISLAV IVANOVIĆ, Crystal Palace (A), 2015-16 Premier League — 2.4
- BRANISLAV IVANOVIĆ, Arsenal (A), 2016-17 Premier League — 2.4
For what it’s worth, the 4.2 overall average for this game is not an all-time low. That honor, I’m pretty sure, still goes to the 1-0 loss to Steaua Bucharest in the Europa League.
In any case, in honor of Cahill’s great achievement, I present to you, dear Reader, the Many Faces of Gary Cahill.
Dejected:
Dejected again:
Highly dejected:
Comfortably dejected:
Internationally dejected:
Even Wayne Rooney feels sorry for you dejected:
Pre-Chelsea dejected:
DARKNESS; NO PARENTS
SUPER RICH; KINDA MAKES IT BETTER