The Daily Hilario: Getting old

IT SUCKS GETTING OLD:

I'm more or less finally over a sports hernia that I picked up back in the spring, but now I managed to tweak my Achilles.

It sucks getting old.

LOL, WEST HAM:

FC Astra Giurgiu: 11th in the Romanian league. No money, sold best players, manager is suspended for betting on football. Owner is in jail.

— Coral (@Coral) August 25, 2016

MUSTAFFFFF...[FUN]:

Arsenal close to agreeing deal to sign Valencia centre-back Shkodran Mustafi. #AFC will pay fee in excess of £35m for Germany international

— David Ornstein (@bbcsport_david) August 25, 2016

FOOTBALL (all times BST):
13.00:  Antonio Conte press conference (LIVE)
13.15:  U18 Premier League:  CHELSEA U18 vs. Swansea City U18
19.00:  Eredivisie:  Vitesse vs. Utrecht
19.30:  Bundesliga, opening day:  Bayern Munich vs. Werder Bremen
19.45:  Ligue 1:  Olympique Marseille vs. Lorient
19.45:  Championship:  Burton Albion vs. Derby County
19.45:  La Liga:  Real Betis vs. Deportivo La Coruña
21.00:  La Liga:  Espanyol vs. Málaga