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The Daily Hilario: Matchweek 1

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Your daily dose of off-topic shenanigans.

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WaFFLe:

Instead of listing fixtures, I'm just going to drop the links to each division, plus AMLang's WaFFLe Cup spreadsheet.  This way, you can choose your level of involvement insofar as following the fantasy.

But since I don't have these links handy, I'll need y'all to supply them in the comments.  And then I can update it here, etc, etc.  (I'm under the impression that leagues are viewable by third parties, but this doesn't seem to be working right now; is this not true?)

D1 — ZOLA
D2 — LAMPARD
D3 — TERRY
D4A — TORRES
D4B — SHEVCHENKO
D4C — SUTTON
WaFFLe Cup

ENGLAND (all times BST):
11.00:  U18 Premier League:  CHELSEA U18 vs. Fulham U18
12.30:  Premier League:  Hull City vs. Leicester City
15.00:  Championship:  Wigan Athletic vs. Blackburn Rovers
15.00:  Premier League:  Burnley vs. Swansea City
15.00:  Premier League:  Crystal Palace vs. West Bromwich Albion
15.00:  Premier League:  Everton vs. Tottenham Hotspur
15.00:  Premier League:  Middlesbrough vs. Stoke City
15.00:  Premier League:  Southampton vs. Watford
17.30:  Premier League:  Manchester City vs. Sunderland
17.30:  Championship:  Norwich City vs. Sheffield Wednesday

OUTRAGEOUS SHOCKING UNEXPECTED INCONCEIVABLE (not):

Messi un-retires from international football.

ELSEWHERE (all times BST):
17.00:  Olympics, men's tournament, q/final:  Portugal vs. Germany
18.45:  Eredivisie:  Ajax Amsterdam vs. Roda JC
18.45:  Eredisivie:  Vitesse vs. ADO Den Haag
19.00:  ICC:  Internazionale vs. Celtic
20.00:  Olympics, men's tournament, q/final:  Nigeria vs. Denmark
23.00:  Olympics, men's tournament, q/final:  South Korea vs. Honduras
00.00 (next day):  NASL:  NY Cosmos vs. Tampa Bay Rowdies
00.00 (next day):  MLS:  New York Red Bulls vs. Montreal Impact
00.30 (next day):  MLS:  Columbus Crew vs. New York City FC
02.00 (next day):  Olympics, men's tournament, q/final:  Brazil vs. Colombia