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Today in Faux Outrage: Fabregas celebrates birthday; Chelsea charge money for shirts

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Just when you think the media can't possibly be any more outraged by all the outrageously outrageous outrage...

On Monday night, Tottenham Hotspur set a Premier League record (i.e. since 1992) for number of yellow cards received and it's likely that two of their players will follow Dele Alli from the previous weekend in having to miss the rest of the season (if not longer) via suspension.  Multiple brawls broke out as well on Monday, including one at the end of the match that resulted in Guus Hiddink getting pushed to the ground.  Reports emerged later, which claimed that Cesc Fabregas sparked that one with some evil shenanigans.  Apparently, he's now expected to go into hiding, lock himself away in a remote cabin, and reflect on his actions like a good boy should.

Shame on Cesc Fabregas for celebrating his birthday TWO days after allegedly "flicking shorts" and "slapping groins".  How dare he be born on that day.  Of all days!  Has he no shame!?  He probably even had some cake.  Cake, cake, cake. Shame, shame, shame. DING. DING. DING.  Gosh, I hope he washed his hands at least.

And speaking of shameful behavior, how dare Chelsea charge money for the newly released 2016-17 home kit??  Real, actual, (probably) hard-earned moneys!

No one's ever accused Collymore of not having the hottest takes around Twitter and talkSport, but this "story" also made it into actual newspapers and print media.  Football club charges money for replica shirts, just as they have done ever since Leeds United decided to sell them in 1973!  Stop the presses!  Stop football!  This is where we must draw the line in the commercial exploitation of fans!

A recent trend, and one that Collymore is (willfully?) ignoring in presenting his case for maximum shock value, has been for clubs (and national teams, too) to sell two different versions of replica kit, one replica, the other "authentic".  Think of it as choosing which options (engine, leather, premium audio) to include on your next car or which battery pack to choose for your next Tesla.  You get what you pay for.  (Which, in either case as far as the shirts are concerned is very little, but I digress.)

In Chelsea's case, this means that a replica shirt is £55, but an "authentic" replica shirt is £30 more ... plus personalization (for which they used to charge by the letter!) and Premier League badges mean you're easily looking at £100+ for the authentic version.  The authentic version is the exact shirt the players wear (or very close to it, I'd assume), including a lighter, tighter fit, more high tech materials, non-embroidered badges, etc.  So if you're in as good of a shape as most professional footballers, perhaps even you can make that look not incredibly awkward, without any of your pudgy rolls bulging out of it.

Here's the thing though, you don't have to buy it.  It's not a requirement.  It's not a right.  It's a choice.  You think it's too expensive?  Here's a thought, don't buy it!  Or, if you really need a shirt to show your allegiance, wait for the end of year sale when they can be had for a fraction of their original price.  Or just don't buy it.  Or wear last year's?  I bet next year's will be blue, too.

So that's my faux outrage over others' faux outrage.  Carry on.