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Cesc Fabregas, shorts-flicker, groin-slapper, the true villain of the Chelsea-Spurs brawl

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There's a sort of a game (or maybe more of a diversion?) that highly evolved and mature individuals (usually boys) play.  It involves walking up to your friend and asking, "What's the capital of Thailand?"  Regardless of who answers (Bangkok!), you punch or slap your friend in the "groin", which seems to be the universally accepted euphemism for the male reproductive organ in the media.  Though The Times go with the even more refined "shorts flicking", which only serves to cause further confusion.  If you're unfamiliar, here's a demonstration from that quintessential piece of Americana, "American Pie".

Apparently, as this morning's media reports boldly proclaim, Cesc Fabregas was involved in similar shenanigans after the final whistle last night -- at least that's my interpretation of the vaguely and not so vaguely accusatory headlines and reports -- sparking the mass altercation just outside the players' tunnel.  Finally, the true villain of the piece has been revelead!  "But, but he started it, mommy!" Never mind all the tackles and earlier incidents.  THIS was the true flashpoint. It's all his fault. Wonder if he used his left hand, the one that Lamela intentionally stepped on earlier.

Onlookers have claimed that the post-match trouble was started by Fàbregas' petulance in deliberately flicking the shorts of several Tottenham players and staff, which triggered a violent reaction from the visitors.

-source: The Times

The Times also lends credence to the already debunked "Diego Costa-biting" incident, posing the two Chelsea players as the main reasons for all the nonsense, the two main provocateurs of the night (while playing down the actual in-match incidents that should've provoked even greater reactions from both men).

Chelsea manager Guus Hiddink (after he dusted himself off from getting pushed over) did reveal that Fabregas was quite heated after the final whistle, as was trainer Manoel Ribeiro, who ignored Hiddink's calls for calm before the interim boss put him in his place with a "Remember who the boss is" shout ("amidst a number of expletives", claims the Telegraph).  Such drama!

"Of course it was a very emotional and hectic game. At the end highly emotional, there was a bit of verbal animosity and I tried to come in between and protect a bit and go into the locker room. We shuffled a bit on the benches."

"I took Fàbregas, I tried to get him down [the tunnel], because there were some words in Spanish and I understand Spanish. Threatening a bit. There became more people involved and we shuffled around."

"There was a lot at stake for them, and for us prestige at stake. An emotional game between two big clubs. I had to come in between a lot of people today. It normally happens a lot in the Latin world. Steve [Holland, the Chelsea coach] got very emotional. We are not the most beautiful boys, let's be honest. It's a fight and there's frustration, losing the championship. It's difficult."

-Guus Hiddink; source: Guardian

Sometimes, Hiddink tries just a little too hard to be this noble neutral wise-man methinks.  That said, with plenty of other match incidents to investigate and adjudicate, maybe The FA will be satisfied with just slapping a fine on both teams for this tunnel incident and not worry too much about individual details, whatever those may be.

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