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Chelsea must pay a king's ransom to get Lukaku back, or maybe just sell Hazard to Real Madrid?

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Or is it a Kraken's ransom?

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Gather round, children.  It's ridiculous transfer rumor time.  Two for the price of one!  You there, stop picking your nose.

Yesterday, the wheel of rumor mill fortune rolled a rather juicy story over at The Sun:  "Eden Hazard set to be first casualty of Antonio Conte's Chelsea regime as winger is put up for sale".  Well, at least he's just for sale.  He won't be drawn and quartered while yelling FREEEEDOM, white monogrammed handkerchief of past seasons' glories slowly tumbling to the ground.

It's the story we've heard many times before, just a bit more forcefully I suppose.  Real Madrid or PSG, ready to plunk down the big money for the big talent: £50m (down from £80m on account of semi-extreme sucktitude) — maybe Silent James involved as well somewhow, too — according to the 'EXCLUSIVE'.  Exclusive!  That's how you know it's true!

If that's not ridiculous enough, here comes HLN, straight outta Belgium, with the news that Everton have slapped an €80m price tag on Romelu Lukaku.  A price tag that high definitely gets slapped.  Loudly.  It's a good thing we're raking in all that dough from Hazard then, yes?

Okay, back to picking your nose.