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If some of these stories seem like déjà vu, do not worry. It's just a glitch in the Matrix. But ignorance is bliss and if you tell your brain that there is a chance, well, there just might be one. Here's some stuff to crank your batteries.
ARTURO VIDAL
The Vidal rumors are probably the most tenuous of the three, and appear to be solely based on the mutual respect between Antonio Conte and his former player at Juventus (the whole "I'd go to war with him"/"I'd take him to war with me" mutual hair-braiding). But some enterprising Chilean journalist apparently posed the possibility of a Chelsea transfer to Vidal following Bayern's 1-0 win over Benfica earlier this week (in which Vidal scored the only goal). Vidal's answer was as predictable as it was obvious.
"I'm very happy here. I'm winning important things and I have to think about my family too. But I'm very happy here and still have much of my contract left."
Yeah, I don't think this one's happening.
RADJA NAINGGOLAN
A much more likely target is Roma's outstanding midfielder and there's been so much noise in this corner already -- including all the denials from the player himself -- that something's bound to happen, right? Well, perhaps not so fast. According to the Mirror, Chelsea have "baulked at Roma's opening asking price" of £40m. This is slightly more than the £35m that had been rumored before, but not irredeemably so. If we are willing to pay the latter, then getting all upset over the extra Snickers bar that the want us to throw in is a bit silly. So perhaps we're nowhere near paying either fee. Still, it's only April. The song and dance has just begun.
The obligatory Paul Pogba mention comes courtesy of the Metro, who got it courtesy of The Sun, who based it on the original source: Calciomercato. With such a triple-stamped proof of infallible authenticity, you know that our supposed world record bid of £97m is a sure thing (with or without Oscar and/or Willian thrown in and let's name-drop Cuadrado again, too). Get in! Welcome, Pogba. For the umpteenth time.