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The Daily Hilario: Surely, please

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Your daily dose of off-topic shenanigans.

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BUT PLEASE DON'T CALL ME SHIRLEY:

I used to set just one alarm, nowadays I set at least 10.  But probably more.  They span about an hour, from just ahead of ideal wake-up time, through ideal wake-up time, and all the way to drop-dead-gotta-wake-up-or-theres-going-to-be-trouble-at-the-mill wake-up time.  This is usually a foolproof plan, except when I forget to charge my phone the night before (and/or my phone decides to discharge its battery for no reason, which has happened at least twice in the last month).  No alarm = trouble.

And there would've been trouble, but André Schürrle saved me.  In one of those light sleep / lucid dream states, I dreamt about a Chelsea match.  I think it was a match in Syria for some reason.  Maybe I was reading about Syria before?  Who knows.  Chelsea were losing, but here came Schürrle to save the day.  He had a massive ZZ Top beard.

And that image, Schürrle with a big giant beard woke me up, right at the drop-dead-gotta-wake-up-or-theres-going-to-be-trouble-at-the-mill wake-up time.  Thanks, André!  I owe you one.

COME ON YOU FIGHTING SHIRLEYS!

(That said, I'm quite positive Real are going to come back and smack Wolfsburg with many, many goals.  And I hope PSG win.  I still love you, too, David Luiz, even though you didn't feature in my Schürrle dream.)

FOOTBALL (all times BST):
19.45:  Champions League, quarterfinal, 2nd leg:  Real Madrid vs. Wolfsburg (0-2 agg.)
19.45:  Champions League, quarterfinal, 2nd leg:  Manchester City vs. PSG (2-2 agg.)
19.45:  Championship, 2nd vs. 14th:  Middlesbrough vs. Reading
19.45:  Championship, 9th vs. 15th:  Birmingham City vs. Leeds United