England's Brave Gary Cahill has lead Brave England on a Brave fightback against Un-brave Germany on a brave Saturday night in Berlin. It was the stuff of dreams, the stuff legends are made of. And all thanks to some poor defending that cunningly allowed the hosts to go 2-0 up and relax. The most dangerous lead!
It was the impetus Roy Hodgson needed to make massive changes and bring on future Ballon d'Or winner Jamie Vardy and ... wait, that was the only non-injury enforced sub made? In a friendly?! What in the world? We all realize this is just a friendly, right? It doesn't actually mean anything, right?
Oh, who am I kidding. England have real hope! Euro 2016, World Cup 2018, Euro 2020, World Cup 2022. It will be renamed the Harry Kane Trophy. And all thanks to Gary Cahill's bad piece of defending. "You got him, Clyney."
He does not got him. But we did get to press the button one more time.
All kidding aside, England did in fact look dangerous going forward. They looked terrible in defense — and it's still not clear why Butland didn't just go down to get treated for his injury rather than play on and concede the opener — but unlike at the World Cup, they looked like they might actually have a goal or two in them. Although it took them an hour to open the scoring.
First up, Harry Kane's Johan Cruyff tribute act.
Then, fifteen minutes later, Vardy pulled off a Zola-esque backheel finish.
And then Tottenham's Eric Dier adding a most English-style winner imaginable, a header from a crossed ball.
It was Dier's club teammate Dele Alli who was probably England's Man of the Match. Putting all your hopes and dreams in a 19-year-old and his fellow Spurs is an interesting plan, but it may be England's best option. (So Wayne Rooney and Jack Wilshere and James Milner all the usual suspects are sure to play in the proper tournament instead, right?)
This was the second time Gary Cahill started as captain for England. The first was a 3-0 win over Estonia in October. Cahill has also taken the armband mid-match on three occasions, England winning all three. Rooney out! Cahill in! World domination. You can't argue with science!
Earlier in the day, in Chelsea's only other notable involvement in Saturday's internationals, Bertrand Traoré and Burkina Faso recorded a 1-0 win over Uganda as they attempt to qualify for the 2017 Africa Cup of Nations.