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The Daily Hilario: Why is Trent Dilfer yelling at me?

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Your daily dose of off-topic shenanigans.

Kelley L Cox-USA TODAY Sports

MNF:

The final game of NFL's opening weekend was Vikings & 49ers.  It was a terrible game, made a bit better by the Guardian's live blog by an Aussie who knew very little about American football, and the fact that Trent Dilfer was trending on Twitter for being terrible at his very simple job.

HIGHLIGHTS, LIVE BLOG:

First and 20, a lot. Quarterback fakes to throw, fakes again, runs over the line of scrimmage and falls onto his tummy lest anyone hurt him. You'd be teased in rugby league and penalised.

The Niners line up. False start. Flags fly in. A lot of pointing. And ... the Niners are penalised five yards. And coach Jim Tomasula looks like someone's set his car on fire.

But Niners defence belts the running man. And then several of them head off the field. Funny game, National Football League. A sack! The Niners D-people celebrate like they've invented penicillin! The Vikings are deep and will punt, meaning...  Here's the Hayne Plane! His first touch in the NFL. And... he drops it? Oh my goodness me, he drops it! His first touch is a fumble! He's grassed it. Oh my.

Tomsula paces the line like he's a bear in a cage and doesn't like it. Vikings ball. They ... come up short of the line in the face of a wave of Niners D. Top D, D-men. And now we'll have another break. Lot of breaks. No-one would get tired, this much is certain.

Niners, now, to Mr Reliable, Carlos Hyde who bashes his way across the line of scrimmage and pseudo fighting and runs into his own bloke and keeps going. And he does it again, and that's first down. He's Jarryd Hayne's room-mate. So there is that link for the island continent of Australia.

Carlos Hyde looked really good.

HIGHLIGHTS, DILFER:

FOOTBALL (all times BST):
12.00:  Jose Mourinho press conference (LIVE)
19.45:  Champions League:  PSV vs. Manchester United
19.45:  Champions League:  Galatasaray vs. Atlético Madrid
19.45:  Champions League:  Benfica vs. Astana
19.45:  Champions League:  Sevilla vs. Gladbach
19.45:  Champions League:  PSG vs. Malmö FF
19.45:  Champions League:  Wolfsburg vs. CSKA Moscow
19.45:  Champions League:  Real Madrid vs. Shakhtar Donetsk
19.45:  Champions League:  Manchester City vs. Juventus
20.00:  Championship, 9th vs. 14th:  Reading vs. Derby County