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The Daily Hilario: Matchweek 1 cont'd

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Your daily dose of off-topic shenanigans.

TINKERMAN!

Well, [shoe], we should've listened to Kasabian, too.  Thanks for the fantasy points, Riyad Mahrez.

EL LOCO:

So Bielsa spends all summer recruiting players, working on tactics, etc, then loses his first game and resigns?! El Loco, indeed.  (Though the real reason may be that he's jumping ship to go manage Mexican national team.)

PART 1:

PART 2:

FOOTBALL (all times BST):
11.30:  U21 Premier League:  Liverpool U21 vs. CHELSEA U21
12.00:  Championship:  Preston North End vs. Middlesbrough
12.30:  Scottish Premier League:  Partick Thistle vs. Celtic
13.30:  DFB-Pokal:  Chemnitzer FC vs. BVB
13.30:  Premier League:  Newcastle United vs. Southampton
13.30:  Premier League:  Arsenal vs. West Ham United
14.00:  WSL, 3rd vs. 7th:  CHELSEA LFC vs. Birmingham City LFC
15.00:  DFB-Pokal:  Nöttingen vs. Bayern Munich
15.45:  Eredivisie:  Willem II vs. Vitesse
16.00:  Premier League:  Stoke City vs. Liverpool
20.00:  Ligue 1:  Olympique Lyonnais vs. Lorient
20.00:  Brasileirao, 7th vs. 2nd:  São Paulo vs. Corinthians
21.00:  MLS, 3rd(W) vs. 6th(W):  LA Galaxy vs. Seattle Sounders
00.00 (next day):  MLS, 3rd(E) vs. 8th(E):  New York Red Bulls vs. New York City FC