The Daily Hilario: John Terry steals a truck, Messi chokes a dude, and other news

WHAAAA?

Dammit, JT.

Oh.  LOL.  Good job, NewsNow.

WHOA THERE, LEO:

IN OTHER NEWS:

28% to our goal | JustGiving
As part of our massive season preview, we're raising money for Chelsea FC Foundation.  We're only a quarter way to our goal, so help us, would ya?

River Plate win Copa Libertadores | SB Nation
Third continental title for River, first since 1996 when Hernan Crespo's brace brought them the win in the final.

The Bat Doctor is in | SB Nation Longform
Fascinating piece on softball bat doctoring (i.e. cheating).

FILM SCHOOL: WHY CG SUCKS (except it doesn't)

FOOTBALL (all times BST):
19.00:  Europa League, 3rd qual rd, 2nd leg:  Vitesse vs. Southampton (0-3 agg.)
19.00:  Europa League, 3rd qual rd, 2nd leg:  ASSE vs. Targu Mures (3-0 agg.)
19.00:  Europa League, 3rd qual rd, 2nd leg:  Astra Ploiesti vs. West Ham United (2-2 agg.)
19.30:  Europa League, 3rd qual rd, 2nd leg:  BVB vs. RZ Pellets WAC (1-0 agg.)  
03.00 (next day):  CONCACAF Champions League:  LA Galaxy vs. Central FC