Now I'm going to ask you a bunch of questions, and I want to have them answered immediately.
Here at We Ain't Got No History, we, like the famous auteur Michael John "Mike" Myers, like to live dangerously. As such, we tend to engage in fervent roundtable discussions on game theory and, prior to the start of European club football seasons, generate laughably bad prognostications for your enjoyment.
Earlier this week, you took umbrage with our 2015-16 predicted league tables, namely the decision by some to foreshadow a place in the Europa League for the Big Sam-less - and thus liberated - West Ham. Now, we ask that you direct the hate in your heart (let it out) toward Part III, the not-so-climactic final act of this trilogy that features staff answers to a sprinkling of random queries posed by yours truly just a few days ago.
- Stephen: Sergio Agüero
- Fellipe: Sergio Agüero, followed by Loïc Rémy and Saido Berahino.
- Graham: Sergio Agüero
- Jake: Including penalties, Sergio Agüero. Excluding penalties, Diego Costa.
- Devin: Agüero
- Peezy: Agüeroooooooooooooo
- Kevin: Sergio Agüero
- Jack: Christian Benteke
Transfer of the Season
- Stephen: Raheem Sterling
- Fellipe: Dimitri Payet to West Ham. Close second: Bamford to Crystal Palace.
- Graham: Morgan Schneiderlin
- Jake: As of 31 July, Manchester United signing Morgan Schneiderlin (I also like Schneiderlin's newly-signed replacement at Southampton, Jordy Clasie).
- Devin: Petr Čech
- Peezy: Schneiderlin
- Kevin: Falcao
- Jack: Morgan Schneiderlin
Flop of the Season
- Stephen: Tottenham, obviously.
- Fellipe: Raheem Sterling to Manchester City.
- Graham: It's Radamel Falcao, isn't it?
- Jake: With the amount of money set flow into the Premier League over the next few years, there's almost no such thing as a terrible deal right now.
- Devin: In terms of value, Raheem Sterling is way overpriced for what he produces. Also, Falcasaurus Rex.
- Peezy: Schweinsteiger
- Kevin: Raheem Sterling
- Jack: Connor Wickham. Right? Right? #bambam
First Manager Sacked
- Stephen: Rafa Benitez
- Fellipe: Roberto Martínez (pl0x)
- Graham: Roberto Martínez
- Jake: Quique Flores
- Devin: Dick Advocaat
- Peezy: Tactics Tim Sherwood
- Kevin: Pellegrini
- Jack: Quique Flores
Chelsea Player of the Season
- Stephen: Hasn't Eden Hazard already won it?
- Fellipe: Eden Hazard, but can we make him hors concours for the next seasons? We can name the award "Chelsea’s Eden Hazard of the Season."
- Graham: Nemanja Matić
- Jake: Oscar
- Devin: Eden Hazard
- Peezy: Cuadrado. ... Just kidding, Eden Hazard.
- Kevin: Juan Cuadrado, but the Belgian one on the left wing.
- Jack: Young Oscar
Dream Signing Not Named Paul. Or Pogba.
- Stephen: Stealing Varane would be fun.
- Fellipe: Romário in 1994.
- Graham: Radja Nainggolan would be cool. Albeit implausible.
- Jake: Everyone is a distant second to Pogba, but unrealistic signings include Gareth Bale and Neymar. More realistic signings include Antoine Griezmann and Raphaël Varane (Schneiderlin also would've been nice).
- Devin: Realistically? Axel Witsel
- Peezy: Marek Hamšík
- Kevin: Axel Witsel
- Jack: Tonton Zola Moukoko
Rafa's Favorite Dish
- Stephen: It rotates without rhyme or reason.
- Fellipe: Instant noodle. Quick to make, quick to eat, and rightfully destroys your health.
- Graham: Revenge, served cold. But it normally gets dropped on the way out of the kitchen.
- Jake: n/a
- Devin: He looks like a molé aficionado.
- Peezy: Juicy facts with a side of sadness.
- Kevin: Dainty, little cakes.
- Jack: The Soup Du Jour.
2015-16 We Ain't Got No History Premier League Predictions Series