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The Daily Hilario: Matchweek 3

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Your daily dose of off-topic shenanigans.

Christof Koepsel/Getty Images

EVERYDAY I'M WaFFLeING:
BT Blues (2-0-0) vs. DP's All-Stars (2-0-0)
Falcao Punch (0-2-0) vs. Haz Mat Suits (0-2-0)
Hawkeye FC (1-1-0) vs. dareNevils (0-1-1)
Langers Athletic (1-1-0) vs. Taco Bellerin (2-0-0)
Pickled's Foos (1-1-0) vs. Club Deportivo Real FC Dale United (1-1-0)
THE MLS IS A RETIREMENT LEAGUE (1-1-0) vs. What A Load of Ballacks (0-1-1)

BETTER THAN YOU'D EXPECT:

ENGLAND (all times BST):
12.30:  Championship:  Leeds United vs. Sheffield Wednesday
12.45:  Premier League:  Manchester United vs. Newcastle United
15.00:  Championship:  Charlton Athletic vs. Hull City
15.00:  Premier League:  Crystal Palace vs. Aston Villa
15.00:  Premier League:  Leicester City vs. Tottenham Hotspur
15.00:  Premier League:  Norwich City vs. Stoke City
15.00:  Premier League:  Sunderland vs. Swansea City
15.00:  Premier League:  West Ham United vs. AFC Bournemouth
17.15:  Championship:  Cardiff City vs. Wolverhampton Wanderers

DE BRUYNE WATCH:
City have agreed personal terms at £200k/week [Guardian], but Wolfsburg want €80m [BILD]. M-m-m-m-adness.

ELSEWHERE (all times BST):
14.30:  Bundesliga:  Hoffenheim vs. Bayern Munich
14.30:  Bundesliga:  1. FC Köln vs. Wolfsburg
16.00:  Ligue 1:  Olympique Lyonnais vs. Rennes
17.00:  Serie A:  Hellas Verona vs. AS Roma
17.30:  La Liga:  Deportivo La Coruña vs. Real Sociedad
19.00:  Ligue 1:  Toulouse vs. AS Monaco
19.30:  La Liga:  Atlético Madrid vs. Las Palmas
19.45:  Serie A:  Lazio vs. Bologna
21.30:  La Liga:  Rayo Vallecano vs. Valencia