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Agent shuts down 'impossible' Oscar rumours

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Feels like we've been here before.  And not that long ago, too.  Oscar plus cash for Paul Pogba.  BOOM.  Debated several times over, then denied and rejected by both sides several times as well.  Then we rinsed and repeated that whole process.  But apparently somebody hit the refresh button, because this beast is back.  Again.  Chelsea are rumored to be back in for Pogba, and thus, like clockwork, Juventus are rumored to be back in for Oscar (and Ramires, too, for good measure).  The media sure love a good swap story.

But before you get your hopes up (again) or gather arms (again), here's ... ummm ... agent?  businessman?  bagman?  cleaner?  fixer? ... Kia Joorabchian with the word from behind all the closed doors.

"[Oscar to Juve?] It's impossible, it is not true at all. Oscar will not leave Chelsea."

-Kia Joorabchian; source: Calcio Mercato

The Italian source poses Joorabchian as Oscar's agent, but technically that role is filled by Giuliano Bertolucci.  Bertolucci and the Bagman are possibly in a partnership, possibly in an employee-employer relationship, possibly not related at all.  It's well known that Joorabchian, who's currently not under threat of a prison sentence, is one of the great behind-the-scenes movers and shakers in the football world (and not always legal, it goes without saying), so perhaps his word is worth something in this situation.  It's not like he's never told a lie before, right?