Oscar to Juventus rumors are back, now with extra silly nonsense

Oscar loves Chelsea, he loves London, he's settled in London.  Mourinho loves Oscar, and he is happy with Oscar just as he's happy with the rest of his squad.  Chelsea aren't looking to sell and Mourinho certainly doesn't want to lose any important players.  But none of those things (facts?) is what makes these latest Oscar-to-Juventus rumors extra silly.

That's from last night's Daily Mirror.  Apparently Friday night is extra silly fun night at the Mirror rumor mill.  £9 million?  £9 MILLION!?  £9m for a lynchpin not only at Chelsea but in the Brazilian national team?  £9m for a 23-year-old embodiment of the modern-day ideal of a two-way attacking football player (even if he can be a bit inconsistent and prone to tired performances)?  Shut. The. F...ront door.

If the Italian champions fail in their cheeky bid to land the Brazilian in a permanent deal, they will offer a season-long loan with a guaranteed sale in summer 2016.

-source: Mirror

If?  IF!?  And how is this second bid any better?  So if we don't give Oscar to them for £9m this summer, we give him to them for free instead for a year, and then agree to sell next summer for an unspecified fee?  What in the world is going on over there, Mr. John Cross?

And how does this rumor not involve Paul Pogba coming the other way in exchange?  You even teased it in the headline! Come on, man!