TAKE THAT, STENOGRAPHER:
You can tell it's coming when the universe starts acting oddly. Football fans find their eyes glazing over and their attention wandering. Birds fly backwards, horses eat one another and editors send round emails earlier in the week. In parts of Europe, the sun was briefly devoured by the moon, though since most of Europe is perpetually consumed by clouds nobody really noticed anyway.
Yes, the Clásico is coming. Everybody's very excited...
13.30: Premier League, 5th vs. 4th: Liverpool vs. Manchester United
14.00: Serie A, 1st vs. 8th: Juventus vs. Genoa
16.00: Premier League, 15th vs. 1st: Hull City vs. CHELSEA
16.00: Premier League, 19th vs. 14th: QPR vs. Everton
16.00: La Liga, 6th vs. 5th: Villareal vs. Sevilla
16.30: Bundesliga, 1st vs. 4th: Bayern Munich vs. Gladbach
19.45: Serie A, 6th vs. 9th: Sampdoria vs. Internazionale
19.45: Serie A, 4th vs. 17th: Napoli vs. Atalanta
20.00: La Liga, 1st vs. 2nd: Barcelona vs. Real Madrid