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The Daily Hilario: Matchweek 27

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Your daily dose of off-topic shenanigans.

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WaFFLe:
3rd vs. 1st:  Avalanche vs. Cahill for Jesus
8th vs. 4th:  Dynamo Hawkeye vs. DP's All-Stars
6th vs. 11th:  Haz Mat Suits vs. In Hazardous Kompany
12th vs. 2nd:  West Staines Massiv vs. Mother Hen Mourinho
9th vs. 10th:  Silent James & the Falcao Punch vs. Cesc-y Jonjo Shnoz
7th vs. 5th:  Langers Athletic vs. B Tret

THAT ONE TIME, AT THE SCHOOL DANCE...

ENGLAND (all times GMT):
11.00:  U18 Premier League, 1st vs. 3rd:  Chelsea U18 vs. Tottenham Hotspur U18
12.45:  Premier League, 8th vs. 13th:  West Ham United vs. Crystal Palace
15.00:  Premier League, 18th vs. 9th:  Burnley vs. Swansea City
15.00:  Premier League, 4th vs. 16th:  Manchester United vs. Sunderland
15.00:  Premier League, 11th vs. 19th:  Newcastle United vs. Aston Villa
15.00:  Premier League, 10th vs. 15th:  Stoke City vs. Hull City
15.00:  Premier League, 14th vs. 5th:  West Bromwich Albion vs. Southampton
15.00:  Championship, 20th vs. 1st:  Fulham vs. Derby County
15.00:  Championship, 11th vs. 2nd:  Sheffield Wednesday vs. Middlesbrough

TODAY IN FIFA SHENANIGANS:

Jerome Valcke, [FIFA's] secretary general, said the deal with Fox [for World Cup 2022 USA TV rights] was made to avoid facing a lawsuit from the media giant over shifting the 2022 Cup from the heat of the Qatari summer to the late fall and winter. The admission was surprising, but it made sense.
[...]
FIFA executives would prefer to keep their organizational secrets out of the American court system. The organization has done its best to quash the full disclosure of a 430-page report by its chief investigator, Michael Garcia, into allegations of corruption in the bidding for the 2018 and 2022 World Cups. Garcia had dug into those allegations for more than a year but resigned after only a summary of his report - one that he said had distorted his findings - was released. A fuller but redacted version, which FIFA said last December was forthcoming, has yet to come forth.
Having fostered such opacity to maintain its self-preservation, FIFA must have calculated it was best to mollify Fox, not fight it.

ELSEWHERE (all times GMT):
14.30:  Bundesliga, 6th vs. 16th:  Bayer Leverkusen vs. Freiburg
14.30:  Bundesliga, 12th vs. 4th:  BVB vs. Schalke 04
15.00:  La Liga, 19th vs. 2nd:  Granada vs. Barcelona
15.00:  Ligue 1, 13th vs. 1st:  Lille vs. Olympique Lyonnais
17.30:  Eredivisie, 7th vs. 5th:  Vitesse vs. PEC Zwolle
19.45:  Serie A, 16th vs. 9th:  Chievo vs. AC Milan
03.00 (next day):  Friendly:  Sacramento Republic FC vs. NY Cosmos