Mourinho: One set of magic carbon shin pads for Eden Hazard, please!

"Eden told me to speak with my friends who make the carbon shin pads. I am not joking. He told me to speak with them because I am friends with the guy, to try to make it also for the back [of his calves]. Like a horse, when the horses do the jumping - in front and behind. Because now he gets [kicked] behind."

-José Mourinho; source: Telegraph

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[*RING*]
...
[*RING*]
...
Hello, you've reached Horse Supplies & Shin Pads, the finest custom maker of carbon things.
Yes, hello!  My name is José, I think you know who I am.
Who?  Joe ... Say?  I ain't never heard of no Jo...
JOSÉ!  José Mourinho.  The Spec... I mean Happy One.
Oh right right right.  What can I do you for, Mr. Mourinho?  More tinfoil hats?
No no, no hats.  Need a set of them magic shin pads.
Ah, ze carbon fiber ones?  Top class.
Yes, for my boy Eddie here.  You see he gets kicked a lot.
I see.  Ok, no problem.  Send measurements, and we'll get it done prontissimo.
It better be ready in the flashest of the flashes!
No worries, Mr. Mourinho, sir.  Only the best for José and his Special Ones!

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With that sorted, Mourinho resumed his press conference, once again calling for a little bit of protection for the most fouled (and, many would say, best) player in the Premier League.

"[Hazard] is a player who can beat people and that can win one against one. It's normal that the teams have more attention with these kinds of players. It's normal that some teams do double marking. They have one and then one immediately on cover."

"The rules allow this. This is a tactical approach and no problem about it. But after that there are the fouls. And the fouls have to be punished. It's as simple as that."

Obviously, as someone who's not above utilizing whatever strategy will give him the best chance of winning, Mourinho understands the benefits of tactical fouling.  He knows that it's efficacy is determined almost exclusively by how strict or lenient a referee may be, which is exactly why he's putting pressure on them to call such fouls with greater regularity.  Especially because Hazard's just a bit too honest for today's playacting-filled game.

"[Eden] wants to play. He doesn't want people to get cards and people to get a red card.  I'm proud of him for being honest on the pitch and I leave it with the authorities to do something about the rest."

"Referees have to understand that sometimes little fouls are big fouls in the context of the game. A player that is a specialist in stopping counter-attacks. The team loses the ball, he makes the foul. It is a small foul, but it stops the counter-attack. And I think Eden is punished in both ways."