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Moupocalypse Today: Mourinho to Manchester United; Simeone keen on Chelsea; Simeone not keen on Chelsea

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What is this [SHOE]?!
What is this [SHOE]?!
Jamie McDonald/Getty Images

If this is the standard of managerial rumors we get to look forward to over the next couple weeks of the international break, we're going to need a bigger boat.  To hold all the beer.

Let's dive in, shall we, to the shark infested waters.

First up, Diego Simeone, Atlético Madrid manager.  Presumably there's still only just one of him in the world.  Which then makes for a bit of a head-scratching situation, seeing as how he's not only "ready to take over" at Chelsea this summer but also "not going to Chelsea" this summer.  Will he have two jobs?  Maybe three, if he takes over Argentina, too?  Is he going to manage by remote control?  Will he be permanently holed up in some seedy hotel in Stoke, playing backgammon with Mourinho and sending instructions via headset to Steve Holland and German Burgos?

"I was with Atletico Madrid last week and they assured me Diego Simeone is at the Vincente Calderon to stay. The plan is that he stays for a long time and with the new contract it should guarantee he stays for a few years at least."

"Also, Simeone hasn't prepared himself to be in England just yet. I know that he is learning English but very slowly. Atletico Madrid are very assured that he will stay, despite the report linking him to Chelsea."

-Guillem Balague; source: Sky

While others are more concerned about the financial cost of sacking Mourinho and hiring Simeone — spoiler alert: a lot of money! — it would appear that he's not even available to hire.  Of course, this is hardly be the last time we're going to be linked with El Cholo, who's often thought of as a natural heir to Mourinho, given their similar ethos and style.

In case that wasn't enough silliness for one day, here's one to usurp all previous silliness.

The Express are just picking up what Metro and others are putting down.  This nonsense has now made its way over to Italy as well, from where it's been picked up by English sources again, thus perpetuating the cycle and adding to the noise.

But no worries, we'll just give the job to Dermot Drummy and rule the world.