Jose Mourinho speaks! For the first time since the 7-minute post-match rant (it's not an interview if there are no questions) and the subsequent press conference where he detailed all of our issues to which there are no easy answers, Jose Mourinho speaks.
For whatever reason, he's chosen to speak with La Gazzetta dello Sport, who of course have the full interview only in print and/or behind the paywall. So off we go to secondary sources, of which there are many. Chelsea of course aren't the only topics up for discussion — Mourinho has strong ties with Internazionale, while another Portuguese coach, Paulo Sousa is currently leading Serie A — but we're really only interested in what Mourinho's got to say about his own job security, his own troubles at Chelsea, and the rest of the football taking this opportunity to fire even more potshots at him. (I see you, Cruyff, and your nonsense about the children.)
First, the vote of confidence, which is short for "the dreaded vote of confidence", which is code for "you're getting fired soon!" The Telegraph even calculated the date of the upcoming Mourinhopocalypse based on the average number of days managers stay in the job after receiving said kiss of death. November 22, mark your calendars.
"This fills me with pride. It shows the faith Abramovich has in a manager who has won three Premier League titles. I thank him and will continue to work hard."
I suppose that's one way to look at it. Mourinho is, after all, the first Chelsea manager under Abramovich to receive this dubious honor, after being the first Chelsea manager under Abramovich to receive a contract extension. He has at least one more record to set, becoming either the first Chelsea manager under Abramovich to get sacked twice, or becoming the first Chelsea manager under Abramovich to stay in charge for more than three and a third seasons. Or both! Plenty of history to be made.
Which record he ends up setting will largely depend on whether he can figure out what's ailing Chelsea. Right now, he's still just at the part of episode where everybody thinks it's lupus. But it's never lupus. (Except that one time.)
"I don't know (what has happened this season). Chelsea's results are really poor at this time."
"I can't, and have no desire of hiding the truth. I'm struggling to come up with an explanation."
"However, I can assure you we are working harder than ever and we will improve. We also have the Champions League that we aren't giving up on."
Well, if that doesn't just fill you with overflowing confidence, I don't know what will.
I know some physicists, when stuck on a problem, just put some stuff into a thing, spin it around really fast, knock some sense into it, and see what falls out. Maybe we could try that? The Large Cobham Collider. I mean, if we're out of ideas... Perhaps we'll find the Hazard-god particle again.
Mourinho may be a bit lost regarding Chelsea's issues, but he at least hasn't lost his touch as far as verbal jousting is concerned. The other day, Fabio Capello felt it necessary to wade in with claims of Mourinho "burning out" players after a while. Maybe Capello is auditioning for a job? Do note his ties to the Russian FA, which also has ties with the Chelsea owner — dun, dun, DUN! Or perhaps he's bored, considering he was fired by said FA a few months ago? Regardless, he should probably just keep his hot takes to himself.
"I read what Capello said: I think a coach with his story had better talk about football without comment on the work of his colleagues."
"I could have commented on his job as coach for England or the Russian one, and I never did. Because I prefer to respect the negative moments of my colleagues. I prefer to talk more of Fabio Capello in the many beautiful moments of his career, full of extraordinary success."
A masterful backhanded compliment, if there ever was one. That's Jose in top form, so perhaps there's hope for us yet!