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Mourinho responds to 'sad' and 'unfair' rumors of a Chelsea mutiny

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When I was growing up, my cousins and I used to play a board game called 'Guess Who?'  This might be still popular today (or maybe available in some online or tablet form), but basically the objective was to figure out which 1 of the 24 cards your opponent picked by asking strictly yes-no questions and eliminating the possibilities one-by-one.  The cards were the same on both sides of the board, each with a person's face on it.  Does this person have black hair?  Is this person a female?  Etc.

("Game cards do not actually talk" — we can thanks the lawyers for that little disclaimer.)

We can play a similar game as we look for Mourinho's rat on the sinking ship that is HMS Chelsea.  There's a mutiny onboard, cries the Arsenal-supporting wing of the Evening Standard.  It's all happening.

Fortunately, our game cards do actually talk.  And the Chelsea manager, quite helpfully, already ran down a few who have.  Talked, that is.  To the media.

"My reaction is: Begovic - "We have the best manager in the world", Zouma: "We have the best manager in the world", John Terry: "We have the manager we want, he's the one that we want, the one that can help us lift this situation", Diego Costa: "If you ask any player in the world, they will all answer the same, that they want to work with three managers and one of them is this one".

"Who else? Fabregas the same, Ramires the same, Loftus-Cheek the same, Cahill the same, Eden Hazard very similar."

"So... I think the mutiny must be Baba, who else? Falcao, Papy Djilobodji, Oscar. So these four don't play Saturday for sure!"

-Jose Mourinho; source: Chelsea FC

All reports agree that he said this is all said in a light-hearted, joking manner, but things might get a bit awkward when none of the named four actually play on Saturday.  And certainly, Djilobodji ain't likely to be coming anywhere near that pitch, right?

So perhaps those four aren't the chief mutineers.  If Mourinho's confident enough to be joking about their status and lack of dissent so publicly, they can't be the "culprits."  So, who's left?  Branislav Ivanovic hasn't said anything specific, but at this point, he's probably the last person to say anything bad about Jose.  It could be Matic, perhaps, but while he said he cannot really talk about such things, he just wants to get on with things.  Azpilicueta?  Mourinho publicly criticized The Man Called Dave at one point, too, but this is also the same player who forms the basis of an plan for world domination with the 11 Azpilicuetas Cloning Project, so surely not.  Pedro?  He just got here.  Willian?  He's too busy scoring goals.  Mikel?  Kenedy?  Don't make me laugh.

That leaves Remy and Courtois.  I like the latter much more than the former, so let's go with the backup striker.  Do I win?

"It's sad but I don't care really, I don't care. I spoke with the players about it and the players are also sad about it, but there is no way to care."

"We know what we are, we know the relationships between ourselves. We know that we are together trying to go back to normality but it is quite sad because people could analyse the situation in pure football terms."

"Let's try to find the reason why this team is playing badly and why it is not winning matches, without agendas and without unfair comment, because that's not nice."

-Jose Mourinho; source: talkSport

No, nobody wins.  There are no winners in this game.

But it sure would be nice if we got back to being winners in the games that matter, on the football pitch.