Is it really that hard to go cold turkey on silly season? It's been less than a month since the summer transfer window ended, and we're already relapsing into our worst habits. Leading the way: Metro, Star, and Express (no surprises there), though they have some fantastic enablers in Spain (also no surprises there).
The reports from Spanish television station TV3 claim that Jose Mourinho tried his luck with a huge offer to lure the Argentinian star to the Premier League.
The formal approach, which equates to €150m [£118m], was rejected by the Catalan giants and Messi went on to sign a new deal in May to keep him at the Nou Camp until 2018.
This is of course entirely impossible; we only sign players who have scored against us. Yet tabloids are tabloids because they are undeterred by such cosmic truths and they were back at it on Sunday.
According to respected football agent and journalist Philip Harmeling, quoting Spanish radio sources, Chelsea will try again to bag Messi once this campaign comes to an end.
Chelsea's last offer for Messi was about £118million, and it's thought that any future offer would be a similar amount, amid growing reports that he is unhappy with life at the Nou Camp.
I'm sure at least a few of Harmeling's 900 Twitter followers respect him just fine, but it's absolutely hilarious that Metro were reduced to having to go with his tweet as support for their article. Also, just what sort of negotiating strategy is this, where we plan on offering the same exact amount for Lionel Messi the following summer? Can we at least add a Euro onto it? €150,000,001: they can't say no now!