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The Daily Hilario: Matchweek 5

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Your daily dose of off-topic shenanigans. Swollen, swelling, hyperextended ankles are the worst.

Marco Luzzani

3rd vs. 7th:  Avalanche vs. Cahill for Jesus
5th vs. 12th:  Dynamo Hawkeye vs. DP's All-Stars
11th vs. 9th:  Haz Mat Suits vs. In Hazardous Kompany
10th vs. 6th:  West Staines Massiv vs. Mother Hen Mourinho
8th vs. 2nd:  Silent James & the Falcao Punch vs. Cesc-y Jonjo Shnoz
4th vs. 1st:  Langers Athletic vs. B Tret

London Pride | Fuller's - Classic.

ENGLAND (all times BST):
12.00:  U18 Premier League, 3rd(S) vs. 2nd(S):  Chelsea U18 vs. WBA U18 (hey, that's us)
12.45:  Premier League, 16th vs. 14th:  QPR vs. Stoke City
15.00:  Championship, 9th vs. 11th:  Middlesborough vs. Brentford
15.00:  Premier League, 2nd vs. 7th:  Aston Villa vs. Arsenal
15.00:  Premier League, 18th vs. 15th:  Burnley vs. Sunderland
15.00:  Premier League, 20th vs. 10th:  Newcastle United vs. Hull City
15.00:  Premier League, 3rd vs. 4th:  Swansea City vs. Southampton
17.30:  Premier League, 13th vs. 8th:  West Ham United vs. Liverpool

SONG OF THE WEEKEND - No, it's not that ridiculous Booty video from J.Lo:

ELSEWHERE (all times BST):
14.30:  Bundesliga, 16th vs. 10th:  Schalke 04 vs. Eintracht Frankfurt
14.30:  Bundesliga, 18th vs. 2nd:  HSV vs. Bayern Munich
15.00:  La Liga, 10th vs. 14th:  Deportivo La Coruña vs. Real Madrid
19.00:  La Liga, 4th vs. 6th:  Atlético Madrid vs. Celta de Vigo
19.45:  Serie A, 1st vs. 2nd:  AC Milan vs. Juventus
19.45:  Eredivisie, 17th vs. 4th:  Vitesse vs. Heerenveen