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The Daily Hilario: On car batteries in bedrooms

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Your daily dose of off-topic shenanigans. The heat, my god, the heat!

Donald Miralle


Today I learned that I've been harboring a small car battery in my bedroom closet for the last five or so years.  Hidden inside the home security system box, it was biding its time, waiting for just the right moment to start leaking some hydrogen sulfide.  Took me about an hour to figure out that it wasn't just a lingering fart, but rather another Permian-Triassic Extinction Event in the making.

We called ADT; their sage advice was to just keep the battery in there while they send a replacement in 3-5 business days.  LOOK LADY IT'S LEAKING HIGHLY FLAMMABLE GASES.  She had no clue.  (Neither of the three reps we talked to seemed to have any clue about the exact role of the battery either, with most advising that the system won't work at all if the backup power source isn't there.  Unsurprisingly, they were wrong and the system does not differentiate between a low battery, which was the status warning we got earlier in the day, and no battery at all.)

It was rather disconcerting how I could not only feel the plastic casing heat up but also start to actually hear the escaping gases as I tried to wiggle the damn black wire connector off the thing.  Clenching every muscle, and I do mean every muscle, I gave it one final pull... and hallelujah, the connector was free.  The red wire came off without a problem -- oh hey, another concerning thing, shouldn't the BLACK wire be the looser of the two connections? -- and then we made like Batman at the end of the third Nolan movie in evacuating the ticking sulfur bomb from the house.  Mission success was achieved at 21:06, Pacific Daylight Time, on Sunday, September 14.

I've been trying to figure out why it seems to be standard practice to use a lead-acid battery in these boxes, which seems odd for an indoor, household application to me.  I guess we need the high output to drive the alarm and the siren in case the system is tripped during a power outage?  Maybe that makes sense.  But I have to say, I'm not entirely comfortable sleeping 15-20 feet (and one wall) away from one.


Antonio Gates turned back the clock a few years on Sunday to shred the Seahawks to the tune of almost 100 yards and, most crucially, three touchdowns.  Seattle SS Kam Chancellor was like a little kid out there, getting schooled by the wizened master.  I would've been impressed, if I hadn't been busy covering my eyes.

It also helped that the Chargers had something like 500% possession and ran almost three times as many plays as Seattle (70% was the actual T.o.P. number).  Add in the ungodly heat in California this weekend (when even San Diego gets to about 100, you know we're sweating), and it's no surprise that the Seahawks were handed their first loss by more than a touchdown in 47 games.  Not since losing to the Cowboys in November of 2011 has Seattle failed to keep it close.  And even in this one they had a chance in the 4th quarter, but ran out of downs and the Chargers took the freebie three points at the end to set the final score of 30-21.

Oh well.  At least the Hawks didn't lose their very first home opener at their new stadium after holding a 17-0 lead.  Whattup, Niners?  Ahahahahaha...

FOOTBALL (all times BST):
20.00:  Premier League:  Hull City vs. West Ham United