:format(webp)/cdn.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_image/image/36350054/452792080.0.jpg)
That modern oracle or transfernewsisms, Gianluca Di Marzio is back with another cracker. Just like all his tweets and words and articles, this too shall come true, for he is the the all-seeing, all-knowing King of the Transfer World.
Contacts between @VfL_Wolfsburg and the agent of @Torres: the german club is looking forward a striker.
— Gianluca Di Marzio (@DiMarzio) July 31, 2014
It is known. Can I get a boom?
Fortunately for all y'all, we here at We Ain't Got No History pride ourselves on providing truthful, unfettered in-the-know access to all of our insider information. WAGNH is our name, ITK is our game.
In that vein, we proudly present the EXCLUSIVE TRANSCRIPT of Wolfsburg's phone call to Fernando Torres's agent, as relayed to us by [redacted] who gathered this information first-hand (first-ear?). Amazing, the things you can do with an upturned drinking glass and some paper-thin walls!
... ... *ring* *RING* FTAGENT: Yo yo ma! WOLFENSTEIN: Guten Abend. Iz dis FTAGENT? FTAGENT: Call me Scott Borasinho. DIRE_WOLF_ALPHA: Hallo, we want buy ein Stürmer because Mandžu and Ze Kraken are both gone. FTAGENT: Hmm...sorry, we're fresh out. WOLFSBURG: Ok ok, kein Problem. How about Fernando? FTAGENT: PRANK CALLER PRANK CALLER! *click* ... ... ... *ring* *RING* FTAGENT: Yellow! WOLFIE: No no, no prank call. Very serious. FTAGENT: Ohhhh...kay... WOLFSBURG: Yes, yes. Very serious. Very rich. Will pay transfer. Very excited. Just need wages info. How much? FTAGENT: £175,000/week. WOLFSBURG: *click* FTAGENT: Hello? Hello! ... FTAGENT: *maniacal laugh* ... ...
BOOM, indeed.