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Rumor mill, we know drama: Chelsea to hijack Kroos bid or steal Khedira or...

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Transfer rumor mill: we know drama.

Christof Koepsel

Maybe the transfer rumor mill is feeling a little shunned and ignored with all the drama that's happening at the World Cup.  Even though the quarterfinals are made up of the eight group winners for the first time in history, the tournament overall has exceeded even our wildest imaginations in terms of excitement, goals, and just good old fashioned football fun.

So you can imagine how poor little transfer rumor millie feels.  Usually it is the star of the summer and people flock to see its latest subpar, paint-by-numbers wares hot off the simians' typewriters.  Oh and you should see how the people flock to shut their brains off to the sweet sounds of CSI: Silly Season.  But not this year!  At least not yet.  Because this year we've got True Detective: Brazil, with twists and turns and suggestions of something super deep and possibly even of cosmic significance happening behind the scenes only for -- spoiler alert -- Brazil to win it all in the end anyway.  But hey, it's the journey that counts, right?

Yet, in the breaks between the final episodes of this World Cup 2014 drama, poor little neglected rumor millie has managed to make an almighty racket.  It has diverted maximum power to all the story mixers, blenders, infernal machines.  Needles bouncing off the redline, keyboards bending and breaking under fingertips of fury as every tabloid journalist in every tabloid newspaper office from Spain to England attempts to play Hungarian Rhapsody No. 2* on their instrument of common sense destruction.

* (the Tom & Jerry version not the György Ádám version)

So, here's the latest half-assed script from Spanish sources.  It may not make much sense, but who cares?  All the key ingredients are here: big stars (Kroos), hard soldiers (Khedira), escapist excitement (hijacking), nonsense twists, recycled ideas.

Chelsea have reportedly made a late move to try and hijack Real Madrid's deal for Bayern Munich star Toni Kroos - after matching their £19.9million* offer.

Madrid are expecting to complete the signing of Germany international Kroos after the World Cup, having had their offer accepted for the player this week.  However, AS says that Chelsea have now matched their £19.9million (€25million) bid, and Jose Mourinho will now try and tempt the player to Stamford Bridge.

-source: Metro

But that's not all!  Here comes the twist!  In case the £125,00/week + bonuses plan goes wrong, there's a plan B.  Always have a plan B!

Arsenal have made a £23.8million (€30million) offer for Real Madrid star Sami Khedira and are confident it will be enough to sign him, according to reports in Spain.

The El Mundo Deportivo newspaper says the Gunners submitted the offer on Wednesday night amid suggestions that he has told friends he wants out of Madrid this summer.  Madrid are yet to accept or reject the bid, but manager Arsene Wenger has apparently already instructed close friend Mesut Ozil to speak to the 27-year-old about life in north London.

-source: Metro

What Arsenal and Wenger don't realize is that this has all been just a long con orchestrated by Jose to get self-confessed Mourinho-disciple Sami Khedira to the Bridge instead.

Because if there's one thing that's better than a hijack, it's a gazump.  Plot holes?  What plot holes?!  Troll Arsenal?  Worth it.  Gazump gazump!  Drama!  Tridents!  Gazump!

* wait, we could've had Kroos for LESS than Fàbregas?  I mean if we're going to sign somebody to directly compete with Oscar for a starting spot, he really could not have done much better than Toni Kroos.  Sigh...