You do have to admire the effort. The skills, too. I consider myself pretty good at writing nonsense, but when Marca produce something like this, I realize that I still have a long way to go to attain master BS-er status.
Just when it looked as though Thibaut Courtois would be Chelsea's long-term first-choice keeper, the London club surprised everyone by not assigning the Belgian a squad number.
A double rainbow? All the way across the sky? But what does it mean!?
At least he does not appear in the squad list posted on the club's official website.
Oh, well, that settles it then. Never mind all the words from the player, the manager, and teammates.
The reason for Courtois' absence isn't yet known, but it immediately set off the rumour mill on social networks.
Marca read it on Twitter so you know it's true.
Other players who weren't given a squad number were Lukaku, Moses, Bertrand, Oriol and Marin, who all just happen to be transfer-listed. The Belgian striker is close to completing a season-long loan move to Everton, whilst the Nigerian is just one step away from becoming West Ham's newest recruit.
Oriol Romeu? Brand new three-year contract in hand. Romelu Lukaku? Set to join up with the squad in the Netherlands. Marin, Bertrand? Sure. Victor Moses? Nobody knows, but rumors have him linked with both West Ham and Aston Villa.
Incidentally, what was Moses's squad number last season and, more importantly, the season before? It wasn't 13, was it? Wait, it was?! NO WAY! That's a number traditionally given to goalkeepers! What a coincidence! And it's the number Courtois wore at Atlético. A double coincidence? All the way across the sky? But what does it mean!?
Carry on then.