This is about a day old, which is basically a lifetime in Internet minutes, but it probably wouldn't be the worst thing if it (or, as we'll see, part of it) turned out to be true. So, take it away, not-Neil Ashton of the Daily Mail!
Sunderland want to sign Chelsea's new £12million centre-half Kurt Zouma on loan for the season.
Sunderland also want Chelsea defender Andreas Christensen, 18, and midfielder Lewis Baker, 19.
Lending credence to these rumors is not only the presence of ex-Chelsea Gus Poyet as the Black Cats' manager but also ex-Chelsea scout Lee Congerton, who was appointed Sunderland sporting director in March. The connections are there, the talent is here; it's a matchmaking at its easiest.
There is just one problem. And you may have guessed it by now, since we talk about it often enough. Premier League clubs are allowed to loan just one and only one (that's '1') player from a fellow Premier League team. And since Sunderland miraculously escaped relegation last season, they remain a Premier League team. So, they can have Zouma, Christensen, OR Baker, but they can't have Zouma, Christensen, AND Baker.
Unless of course Chelsea were to sell two of the three, in which case we'd need to send Michael Emenalo into emergency psych/medical care and have his head examined for astute dumbness.