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The Daily Hilario: Matchday 29, FA Cup, MLS Opening Kick

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Your daily dose of off-topic shenanigans. Now with actual football!

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When I was 16, I had sushi for the first time ever in my life. Where have you been all my life, you weirdo foodstuff! Though it wasn't really sushi in the traditional sense at all: it was a California roll. Since then, I've slowly upgraded my experience and short of actually going to Japan and partaking in the actual motherlode of primal sushi greatness, I consider myself quite well versed in the world of vinegared rice and assorted toppings and fillings.

As far as sushi in the USA, it's hard to beat fresh catch on Maui. But my local dive (Samurai Sushi) does excellent work, especially the chef named Justin (I don't think that's his real name...) who loads up his special with four types of fish and fun tempura and sriracha toppings. Five centimeters across, it's a glorious way to excite my taste buds. Yummm.

In other news...

Modern Art: Carlo Ancelotti's Eyebrow | Deadspin
Coming soon to an art gallery near you.

Spencer Hall interviews an SR-71 Blackbird pilot | SB Nation
And it's as amazing as you could possibly imagine.

Pounding sand in the Mini All4 | SB Nation
Wait, SBN now does car things? Where do I sign up? Graham!

The 51 Coolest Cars of the Last 50 Years | Road & Track
Keeping with the theme...

Global Internet map | io9
Cool.

Joel McHale & The Soup make fun of True Detective | YouTube
You know what this means, right? Community parody next!

FOOTBALL (all times GMT):
12.45: FA Cup, quarterfinal: Arsenal vs. Everton
12.45: Premier League, 17th vs. 7th: West Bromwich Albion vs. Manchester United
14.30: Bundesliga, 5th vs. 1st: Wolfsburg vs. Bayern Munich
15.00: Premier League, 19th vs. 20th: Cardiff City vs. Fulham
15.00: Premier League, 16th vs. 9th: Crystal Palace vs. Southampton
15.00: Premier League, 15th vs. 13th: Norwich City vs. Stoke City
17.30: Premier League, 1st vs. 5th: Chelsea vs. Tottenham Hotspur (hey, that's us!)
19.45: Eredivisie, 10th vs. 3rd: NAC Breda vs. Vitesse
20.00: MLS Opening Kick: Seattle Sounders vs. Sporting Kansas City