It's going to be all Torres all the time! No, wait, that's just the 'chelsea' tag.
Tumblr's pulling out all the tricks as new owners Yahoo! try to change the blogging service's image into something respectable and perhaps even useful. I hope they're paying you well, Jose, The... err... Reblogging Hipstery One.
"Hello and welcome to my very first blog for Yahoo. Today, I'm delighted to announce that I have signed with Yahoo as their Global Football Ambassador for 2014. I'm very excited that I will also be working as an exclusive analyst for Yahoo's worldwide football coverage including the FIFA World Cup 2014."
Look, there's even a highly pointless GIF because Internet! So hip!
"I plan to bring my unique commentary and passionate point-of-view, some new insight into my own daily world through photos and video - and have a lot of fun at the same time!"
Oh dear. Well, at least can we get some videos of you and Marco van Ginkel singing karaoke at summer training camp in Cobham? Also, can we talk about the title? I mean, 'Mourinho for Yahoo!' is that the best y'all could come up with? Really?
"Football is a way of life for millions of fans across Yahoo and they're always looking for something different. I want my editorial coverage and analysis to bring a new edge to football news and debates."
"Yahoo is the only place where you can get up-to-the-minute news, scores, and my own personal views. You might not always agree with me, but I promise you, it'll always be interesting!"
And then, three months later, comes the inevitable "sorry I haven't been posting lately" post.
In a Yahoo! Q&A related to this earth-shattering blog-world development, Mourinho's cutting edge analysis proclaims that Brazil are (one of) the strong favorites and that England's chances boil down dumb luck (hey, "why not?"). Ooh, so edgy! Much cutting.