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Seeking a friend for the end of the world

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...Once again, if you're just tuning in, the E.P.L. space shuttle Chelsea has been destroyed. The final mission to save mankind has failed. The seventy mile wide asteroid known commonly as Manchester City is set to collide with Earth in exactly six weeks time, and we'll be bringing you up-to-the-minute coverage of our countdown to the 'End of Days', along with *all* your classic rock favorites. This is WAGNH.

Scott Heavey

Do they shoot little horses, too, or just take them straight to the glue factory?

Chelsea have not kept a clean sheet away from home since the start of February. To make matters worse, in those six matches, they have scored just five goals. And three of those came against Fulham and Fulham hardly count as a football team. Since then, we've scored a grand total of zero goals away from home and ten goals (plus two more in the Champions League) at Stamford Bridge. There's nobody else to blame for that sort of schizophrenia but ourselves.

Four games ago, I believed in the distinct possibility of a Premier League title. We had the psychological advantage and the clubhouse lead (just slipping that phrase in there one more time this season before locking it away for a while) and Tim Sherwood was lamenting his lack of characters. Less than a month later, it is us who are ruing, not for the first time, our lack of winning mentality... not to mention all the missed opportunities, wasted chances, and lapses of concentration not just on Saturday but on other occasions this season as well.

"Now it's impossible to win the title. We depend too much on other results."

"When you depend a little it's possible, when you depend a lot I don't think it is possible. Mathematically it is still possible but one thing is mathematics and another is reality."

-Jose Mourinho; source: BBC

"What we have to do is try to win the six matches and finish in the best position we can but not to think we can win the league because I think it's very, very difficult."

-Jose Mourinho; source: Chelsea FC

There's a month and a half of the 2013-14 season left. It's time to "do a Di Matteo" and have some fun in the Champions League. Whether that be just for one round or three, in a knockout competition anything is possible. In the league, we'll be lucky with second and happy with third.

Well, at least I will be.